Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Did They Find You a Kidney?

You there. Yes, you. You at the mall, the movie, the meeting, the synagogue, the airplane. Are you in the Top 10 on the transplant list? Are you afraid that, if you're away from your home number, you would miss a call that could potentially save your life? If so, I apologize for thinking that you are a obnoxious buffoon with an inflated self-worth that gets exponentially higher every time your phone goes off (with that incredibly annoying ring tone).

If you're not waiting for a call for your new:
a) liver
b) kidneys
c) lungs
d) brain

get off your damn phone, already.

The Baroness is of the steadfast belief that any wonderment of technology - while initially intended for the good of all mankind - is, without exception, a double-edged sword. The (mis)use of cell phones is a perfect example of a how a once-fantastic elitist tool for communication has become the great equalizer of the masses. They have a phone, so we get a phone. Your phone has internet capabilities? Mine has a 5 gig camera. What once kept us apart now keeps us both on even footing. Yet the quality of the conversation is still in no way equal. Far be it from the Baroness to rate your conversation, but let me ask one question - is what you are talking about at this very moment necessary? Think about it.

See Mr. Businessman over there at the airport? Wheeling, dealing, setting up appointments, getting his very important messages from his personal secretary? Trading stocks on his Blackberry? Wired-in, productive, making things happen? He is using this piece of equipment properly.

See Mr. Lard-Butt Wanna Be in front of you in line, yakking away on his phone? What's he talking about? About how he had this amazing epiphany in the shower this morning, and has almost figured out the synthesis process for curing cancer? No. Maybe he's talking about this great idea he had that will bring an entire small-town community together to make care packages to send to the US troops abroad. Nope, not that either. He's talking to his buddy about how wasted he got last night, and how his golf game sucked today because of it. Not only is he talking - ABOUT NOTHING - he's made sure that he's in an arena where all of us poor suckers waiting to board the plane get to enjoy the pleasure of hearing his side of the conversation. How fascinating his life is to us. How important he must be, talking on his phone until the last possible moment. How much do I hate this guy?

For me, a cell phone is a communication device, pure and simple. I don't need to chitchat - I need to either get, receive, or exchange information in the most efficient way & in a timely fashion. I sure as hell don't need to be talking in a place where everyone and their dog can hear me (while I do have regal tendencies, I'm not quite pompous enough to think that everyone wants to hear my every word).

But there are so many people out there who feel the need to yik yak everywhere, all the time. Why, why, why?? What is so very wrong with waiting anymore? Of waiting that extra 1 hour or 2 to actually meet the person face to face and have a lovely conversation? Isn't that so much better? In an era of instant gratification and entitlement, it appears that a lot of people equate being always-accessible to being "important".

Here's my unsolicited advise to those who love to talk loud and proud and endlessly - if you want to feel important, do something important.

Just stop talking about it.

9 comments: said...

Cell phones can be a wonderful thing to have, they also can be a pain in the ass. I keep mine by my side because I could die at any time. I have a bad heart.

I think your comment is not to funny but you have the right to freedom of speech.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

I in no way meant to offend those who rely on a cell phone for their health and well-being. My intent, although not well-received by you, was actually to bring those people up on the carpet who frivolously abuse their phones and don't actually use them for anything important.

Anonymous said...

Well I think I have a tendency to be on my phone too often but...
it does bother me when people are so open talking about anything when someone is within ear shot.

I hear a lot of girls my age talk about how they got fucked by their boyfriend when they're standing in the mall on the phone.
How AWKWARD is that?
I don't care to know, and they shouldn't care to get that information around!
I don't get it just as much as you do.

BUT, again, I am kinda hypocritical because I text constantly and do use my phone ALL the time.
Soo...I dont know.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh I couldn't agree more. Cell phones and the people who misuse them are one of my greatest pet peeves. You didn't say anything offensive, btw.

Sandi said...

I believe the point you were trying to make is if you are a person in ill health, it is legitimate to keep your cell phone by your side all the time.

When my husband was sick with cancer I always had my cell phone with me.

Before he was sick and after he died, I never have it with me. I have it in my car in case I break down.

I found this post entertaining and very truthful.

The Guv'ner said...

GOOD FOR YOU! this is one of my biggest peeves. I hate people using cell phones in confined spaces. I don't want to hear your damn conversation or what you did last night, shut the eff up. They are currently boasting that soon we will be able to get a signal ON THE SUBWAY! This made me inconsolably sad because the one redeeming feature of subway travel over the bus is you don't have to listen to some insufferable idiot yelling into a phone. I hate it.

Also, I know they're talking about allowing cells during flight on planes in the near future and really, I am sure air rage incidents will quadruple. If I have to sit next to an ass on a phone for seven hours you can bet your sweet butt I will be making my displeasure QUITE clear.

I HATE CELL PHONES. I use mine when absolutely necessary and that's it. Also, quit walking down a busy street on your phone, that drives me nuts when I have to dodge you walking like a freaking baby duck all over the damn sidewalk.

OH just mentioning this makes the Guv angry.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Leah: Easy on the swears there, sporto. This is a family blog. I feel a little hypocritical at times, too. But I try. And that's what counts, I think.

Countess BA: Thank you for your kind words, which you are thankfully able to express in a public forum. I know you get this.

Countess Sandi: Thank you too for your support. Interesting how you, too, used this piece of equipment as it was intended, yet still managed to get the gist of the post. I started out with my cell phone after being one of the rush hour problems you hear about during the traffic report on the radio. I still forget to power it up, or turn it off "silent mode" much to MDH's chagrin. But it's there if I need it. That's the whole purpose, I think.

Guv: Whoa. Did I push one of your hot buttons OR WHAT? I feel a little bad about stirring the pot, but at the same time I feel good that you can just get it out, girl. I think the proposal of opening up access in-flight is an extremely bad idea. That being said, I would start to invest my shekels in shares of noise-cancelling earplug manufacturers, because I gotta believe that not everyone is going to embrace that new freedom.

Lisa said...

You're sooo spot on about the cell phones. Spending way more time on air commute than I'd like, I've lately noticed a big competition. It's called, who can dial the fastest as soon as the wheels hit the ground after landing. Gentleman, start your engines ... ready, set, DIAL!!! I'm still breathing a sigh of relief that we didn't slide off the runway, and everyone else is on their phone talking about what they're gonna eat for dinner, how they had to wait in some line, blah blah blah. Couldn't it wait a few minutes til we get off the damn plane??!!!?!! ... Barbra Peapod

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Lisa: And while we're on the subject of just-after-the-wheels-have-kissed-the -tarmac etiquette - how about the jackasses who leap out of their seats as soon as the plane has stopped, and nearly give me a concussion whipping their necessities out of the overhead bin. You know - the ones who will mow down the elderly and small children to disembark. Busy, busy, busy!!

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