Sunday, May 11, 2008

Crowning Horror-y

May the Baroness just be a tad capricious for a moment or two? While I'm fully aware that there is a lot of bad stuff going down in the world around us, there's something that is sticking in the noble craw, people, and I have to get it out.


There, I've said it. Specifically, the hair of me. Specifically, the hair of me last evening when I had to attend a very important formal fundraising auction.

To give a bit of a backstory, I have had a great hairdresser. She has been with me through many tranformations, the latest of which was - ironically- the shaving off of my chemotherapy induced clumpy hair, and the subsequent grooming and architectural engineering of the new growth. Before I (voluntarily) lost my hair, it was naturally wavy, but definitely had a mind of its own and needed a strong hand and scorching hot flat iron to make it see the error of its every which way.

Now, my second hair is another matter entirely. While before, my hair might have been a bit of a weekend rebel, this new batch (which, don't get me wrong, I'm extremely thankful for) is a Class A, juvenile deliquent headed for a correction facility,bat-sh*t loco curl-o-rama. Which is kind of cool. But, the honeymoon period is now over, and I'm finding it a little frustrating to mould these locks into something even vaguely socially acceptable.

Which is where the good hair guru Jen came in. She was the Countess of Color, the Duchess of Drying, the Seductress of Straightening. I loved her. And then, selfish little her, she got pregnant and is now on maternity leave. For a whole selfish year. What is that woman thinking? So selfish.

Cut to yesterday. I already had the emsemble prepared, and the coupe de grace would be the hair. I admit, my ideas were a little lofty. I was thinking something loose, curly, sexy, kinda messy like a Julie Christie:

Exhibit A
(for Ahhh, isn't she just beautiful?)

What I ended up with instead was a cross between this:
Exhibit B
(for Blarg)

And this:
Exhibit C
(for Celtic Curls of Hell)

I know, I know, it's silly and shallow. But on the one night a year when I get to go out and feel like a really princess, why did I end up feeling like this?

Exhibit D
(for Don't Even Get Me Started)


I wish you all good hair days for the week.

The Baroness von Puli



The Queen said...

Dear Baroness,

I feel so bad for your hair debocal. You should of called me, I would of sent you a crown post haste...I wear them all the time. When my tresses won't behave, people just see the jewels and pay no attention to the mess underneath.
Maybe I will send a couple up just for kicks...

Tata for now...

The Queen.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh no. I hate that. It's happened to me several times. I should just stick to my tried and true style, but for some reason I always feel that I have to glam it up for certain events and I always end up looking like I tried way too hard. Once, I tried for a Veronica Lake forties type look and ended up looking like Nell from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Your Majesty: I kindly thank you for your offer of lending me the family jewels, but shouldn't the King have a say in this?

Countess BA: Better Nell than Frank-N-Furter. I am certain if you and I had a hairdresser to the stars, they would definitely get the looks we were aiming for. Alas, I have yet to reach that notoriety/tax level. When I do, I'll send him along. Because, yes, it will be a he. And hawt. And he'll smell dreamy. And be tres gay. (Hey, we're married women, here).

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please tell us that you will be posting pictures of your 'do?

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Catherinette: I did! See Exhibit "D" above.

Seriously though, what on earth would induce me to put THAT on this blog site? I'm trying to lure readers, hon, not scare them away...

Mental P Mama said...

Awwww. I'm sure you were the belle of the ball. And Jen? Good grief get back to work, woman. Get a wetnurse. The baroness needs you.

Bubs said...

I offer my sympathy, but as a guy you know I don't really get it. Because, as a guy, one of the great advantages is getting to choose a hairstyle at the age of 12 or so and then sticking with it the rest of your life. And if the hair ever gets out of line you just slap a little extra pomade on it and away you go.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess MPM: I wouldn't exactly say belle of the ball, more like bullhorn.

Count Bubs: I accept your Kind sympathy sir, and offer you in return a very respectful and deeply heartfelt "Shut Up!". You men and your pomade. Bah. You have it way too easy.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Wanna Baroness all night
And have a tea party every day!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Count WP: Hah! LOVE it! Hey, if Shatner can do Lucy & the Sky w/Diamonds, damn it, B von B can do KISS! (and by "do", here I mean singing - don't want any confusion here...)

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