Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Where in the World is Carmen vonBloggenschtern?

I is here.

Sitting.

Stewing.

Self-editorializing.

Not unlike a painter sitting in front of a blank canvas, I sit - roiling - in front of my mostly empty computer screen.

I'm pretty sure that it's not writer's block.

Because - really.

I always have a lot on my mind.

Too much.

I do believe that I am under a black cloud of what my friend calls "F*cking February" (please note that "F*cking" here is an adjective, not a verb).

And like one of those highly amusing drug adverts on t.v., the side effects of this far outweigh the benefits.

But, also like the commercials, the downsides are left until the end. When we are settled in and awestruck by the possibilities of it all, when we are locked in to committing, lulled into the comfort of what could be.

Where the sweeping, uplifting music is played loudly, and the announcer speaks at a bracing speed only dogs can register, to avoid anyone really being able to grasp what risks we take.

Life in Baroness world has been steeping in meh-ness.

Note here that I say "Baroness World" as opposed to vonB World - the rest of the clan appears to be chugging along quite nicely, thankyouverymuch.

Me? Not so much.

I am so in a "why bother?" state of mind.

Why bother keeping a meticulous house?

Why bother organizing closets, cupboards, cabinets?

Why bother making delicious meals?

Why bother spending any time writing a stupid blog that will forever "languish in obscurity"?

Just.

Why.

Bother.

I have been mulling and turning this post over for quite a few days - because who really wants to hear about another blog writer struggling with the process?

Rebel that I am, I have broken one of the cardinal rules.

It should never be about the process - it should be about the product.

The sunny, amusing product.

No one wants to see behind the Emerald Curtain.

But.

Maybe you do.

Because maybe, like me, you crave validation.

You want to know that what you're feeling isn't horribly unique.

So, without further ado, may I present to you - The Ides of F*cking February.

9 comments:

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Good God. Did you possess me and write this post? Dude, we so have to get together soon. I am feeling you on this one.

Cormac Brown said...

"Just.

Why.

Bother."

You

do

it

for

love.

And

you

are

loved,

or...

you

wouldn't

do

it

at

all.

imom said...

I am also feeling you! The Ides of F*cking February are affecting me too!

TSannie said...

Right there with you...believe me, you're not alone in feeling this way!

{i}Post said...

Hello? You can read my mind, can't you. Too spooky. I was just about to post that I was going on sabbatical because I am so meh.

Mental P Mama said...

Move over everyone. I'm in the room, too.

formerly fun said...

I'm considering upping the meds. I was crying today and I couldn't articulate to the hubs the mixture of cabin fever and lack of inspiration I was feeling. Plus, we're on a diet so I don't get my normal food fix if I get blue. The best thing I ate today was roasted brussel sprouts. You know what would make things better? About 4 pieces of salty buttered toast. But then I'd just feel worse. Oy, can't wait for the doldrums to pass.

asthmagirl said...

imom... schooch over. You too mama and annie. Ahhh.... *wiggles enormous behind* February is senseless and dull. Its the unltimate joy sucker...

...and if I see one more flake of snow,.. Ugh!

Baroness von B said...

Countess NATUI: And get together we shall, some day. Just not in February.

Count Cormac: I do it for love? I'm not really sure about that. In fact, I question what I do it for on a daily basis.

OK, hourly.

But I thank you again for your kind words.

Daily.

Countess iMom: Should we do t-shirts? Maybe bowling shirts?

Countess Annie: At least you have Cocktail Corner and field trips. Sigh.

Countess iPost: Sabbatical? This sounds like a plan. But wouldn't I have to have had a career first that I could take a sabbatical FROM?

Countess MPM: Always room for you, hon. Always.

Countess AG: DON'T EVEN allude to the "S" word.

Maybe we should plan for a big FF event next year. Arizona, anyone?

 
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