Friday, August 28, 2009

Beale Sister Breakfast Banter

So, the Good Countess of YikYak and I are stting around the breakfast table one morning, having what the Baron blithely refers to as 'a Grey Gardens moment'; we're both in our pj's - she's sipping iced tea and reading her book, I'm savoring my coffee-and-crossword ritual. We are inches away from each other and light years apart.

She, "Blah blah blah Goldy blah blah blah-dee blah."

Me, glancing up from my puzzle, "Who's Goldy again?"

She (and it is from this point forward that you must channel your inner Marge from 'Fargo' - I will transliterate to the best of my abilities...): "Goldy is my caaahr."

"Doesn't your caaahr haf a neem?"

Me: "Uh, no. I'm the scientific one, remember? To me, a car is a mechanical device that gets me from Point A to Point B. No more, no less."

Countess of YY: "Oh, Baronesssss, no. Mine is Goldy. Maaahhrk's is The Exploder. The Suburu is called Wanda. You haff ta neem your caaahr."

Baronesssss: "That's where you would be wrong, hon. I so do NOT have to 'neem my caaahr'. "

She: "But ahr caaahrs do so much for us. I alwiss taaahlk to Goldy. I thaaahnk her for all the haaahrd work thet she does for me, evry deeey."

"Ef I had yur caaahr, I'd call her Olive, because she's greeeen."

Me: "Why am I not at all surprised by this? The only thing that I do in my car is sing. "

She: "Well, then. That's it."

Me: "That's what, Countess? For god's sake, stop talking in riddles."

[and for love of all things holy, please end this conversation so I don't have to transliterate anymore; it's making both my fingers and my head ache...]

She: "Yur caaahr's name. It should be Carrie. Carrie Okie."

Well, then, that's it.

My caahr now hess a neem.

Thanks, Big Edie.

11 comments:

Countess of 10,000 lakes said...

Oh my gosh, I dooon't soound like that at awwlll

The Count of 10K Lakes said...

Everything has a name...it came with one;
RAV4, Pilot,Navigator, etc.
It is within our power to personalize them and particularly if you want them to work in the way "you intended" as opposed to the random wanderings of a machine....
Just ask the Exploder....
MB

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

OK, this is hilarious.

Around here we name our boats.

Cars are all "she's" (as in "she's a beauty and I ain't talkin' 'bout the ball and chain sittin' in the front seat of 'er, bubba) but our cars don't necessarily hess to hev a neem. Per se.

Freaky Jewelry said...

Oh wow ... you have a gift for regional dialect ... now I have to master Long Gylandese for my blog. Dang, I don't think I can do it. What a challenge. You're a way better woman than I am, but you knew that already.

Ann Marie said...

Yep.. CBW is right.. most people around these parts just name their boats... and some people name their kids after boats..... sigh.

Daryl said...

I named my computer and iPhone .. I am sure if I had a car I would name it too

BUT

This convo sounded more like a scene from a Peter Sellers Pink Panther movie .. specifically a scene between Clouseau and the desk clerk: Haf you sen the min-key?

Fireblossom said...

LOL @ Fshionista ^^ "I lift it in the rhuuuuum."

Hmm, this all reminds me of that old James Caan movie "Alien Nation", where the alien slave ship crash lands, and the people at immigration get bored naming 250,000 newcomers and so they give them all names like Teri Cloth and Kenny Bunkport. Perhaps the Countess is an alien and you never knew it?

Adam named all the animals. (I don't actually believe that. A man can hardly mow the lawn without watching five football games first, but that's the party line) Now you must name all the automobiles. What's a six letter word, beginning with "f" and ending with "o", meaning "a ridiculous enterprise"? Darn crosswords!

Cormac Brown said...

Er, Minnesotan and Canadian English are different?

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Oh, yah, I love the northern-tier accent, yoobetcha.

la isla d'lisa said...

Oh, man ... we TOTALLY get it! All our cars have been named: the Volare was 'Jonque', the Econoline was 'Sin Bin', the Escort was 'Shadow', the Saturn was 'Pookie', the Stratus is 'Nimitz', and the Durango is 'Bluey' (but it's not blue).

Um, we also name our boats. Tcha!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess of YY: Don't ya, now? Ohh, my gashhhh. Ya dooo.

Count of YY: What ever did you do to that poor cahhr?

Countess CBW: I get the boat thing.
It's a little more precarious being on water than on dry land.

Countess FreakyJ: It took me a beat to figure out where "Gyland" was - hah! Maybe you should be starting a side blog - Freaky Mall Hair? As for the last comment, I would respectfully disagree. And I don't know anything of the sort!!

Countess AM: Seriously? Now that is interesting. (use air quotes at your leisure...)

Countess Daryl: I will have to brush up on my Minnesot-ese. I really translate much better in person.

Countess Fireblossom: I Know! What could possibly be next? Naming our shoes?

Wait a tic, I do that already...

Count Cormac: Ouch.

Count Meg: Methinks you've got some Nordic in ya.

Countess of L'Isla: OK, so I'm not normal. What's with Bluey? Kind of sad? Suffering from low emission?

 
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