Friday, December 11, 2009

Fleet Farm! Friday

One may think that I just wander hither and yon, travelling and gadding about without any agenda or premise.

The truth of the matter is, people, that I am constantly gathering information. Constantly.

Gathering.

Hunting and Gathering, you could even say.

Just for you. Because I derive no personal pleasure in this at all.

It is all business, all the time.

You can just say 'Thank You' right now and be done with it.

Why?

Because I am about to let you in on a HUGE secret, the likes of which would make Tim Gunn's nerples rock-hard with excitement and compel him to declare, 'Holla at cha Baroness! I am practically swooning with anticipation. Please proceed - mindfully.'

I am going to do you all a monumental solid, and let you in on what you can buy NOW in order to be a SFT.

(That's Spring Fashion Trendsetter, for those of you who don't get the memos.)

Take notes. Here are the tips, courtesy of moi and the fine folks at Fleet Farm.

(Never in a million years did I ever anticipate writing that sentence. Hunh.)

Tip 1. Jumpsuits.

Gives you a long, lean look. The admiring eye will effortlessly glide from shoulder to toe. Courtesy of this fashionista optical illusion, your legs will look positively endless and Barbie-esque; they'll start wa-a-a-a-y up at your belly button and go all-ll-ll-ll the way down to your perfectly pedicured pointy toes.

Tip 2. Orange.

And not any subtle mandarin or pasty pastel here. I am talking NEON.

For when you are feeling your sassy best, and you are not ashamed to say "Look at me, dammit.
I'm a SFT!!"

(Like I do.)

(Every.)

(Damn.)

(Day.)

Regardez, mes amies. And drool, if you must:

Not too sure about this hat, but LOVE the matching turtleneck!
Darling!


Tip 3. THE hat.

One must never be understated when one has the opportunity to be bold.

This is Tao of the SFT.

A plume here, a teal feather there.

Ack - Amateur hour.

Bold. I said BOLD.

This is the time to make a statement. To preen. To parade your crowning glory.

To wear the whole damn bird . . .

Why, even Daffy on the shelf on the left is admiring my elan.
Proof positive - I am a fashion genius.

. . . okay, maybe not the bottom half of the bird. Because those webbed feet are kind of dangly and awkward and there is a poopshoot somewhere in the hind vicinity. Ewww.

But definitely the top half.

Let us summarize:

Overalls. Orange.

Ducks on the half shell as hats.

Heed my sage advise, and you are among the courant, my darlings. The only thing separating you from the catwalks of Paris is the Atlantic Ocean and some wicked magazine connections.

Before I change my mind and decide to keep all of these tips to myself, I will now hit the ORANGE Publish Post button (kudos to you, you blogger.com SFT, you) and be done with it.

Fleet Farm!

7 comments:

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Not only is Mathews County right up on that orange and camo trend, we are trailblazers in the auto industry as well. We have camoflouge pickups here. Nobody bats an eye.

I believe that's a Canada goose on the halfshell; I know because my mother feeds a whole flock next door. They come around to keep Gustave company. Who knew they doulbled as hats?

well read hostess said...

Thank goodness for you and your advice...no more of that pesky picking out what to wear. Orange jumpsuits it is!

Diane said...

Dearest Baroness...

Darling, that is a goose on your perfectly coiffed head, not a duck. I know you would NEVER be seen with a mere duck on your head. The blandness... the common-ness... No, you must pull out the big guns (har)!

Thank you for the tip on the orange. I will be perusing the offerings at Bubba's Bazooka Bin for just the right ensemble for one of our get togethers.

Regards,
AG (Always Goofy)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Yes, I'm back, but only to say that I'm laughing at Always Goofy Girl's comment, because indeed you do deserve far more than a mere duck on your head.

Lordy, this is funny stuff.

wv: distent. The duck is a distent cousin to a regular old goose, but a not-so-distent cousin to a Canada goose, which comes on the halfshell and doubles as a hat.

Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food said...

Soup Husband Curt and I were lucky enough to score tickets to the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau, a few years ago, one super-cold Sunday night in December. The Packers' team colors are green and yellow, but you'd have thought it was blaze orange and camo for all of it sprinkled throughout the stadium. And most of those sporting those fine colors just left their hunting license pinned to the back of their jacket. I dunno, in case they needed it?

WV colobro. Dude - blaze orange is your colobro! (Color, Bro'!)

Cormac Brown said...

You want the orange, you don't want a fellow hunter to mistake you for a deer, Dear.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

OMG you have Fleet Farm!?!? Every time we go to MN we have to go people watching there! My family even bought my husband a bright orange FF shirt. Just because they could :)

 
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