Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Something Borrowed...

Even in the skewed world defined by Baroness logic, it would seem only logical that when one has a love of sole like I do, one must hoof themselves over, posthaste, to the local shoe display building.

Which is what I did at the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto:

I am so proud of this picture-takin': such perfect composition - me, 'Canada' shaped like a shoeprint, a lingering police car in case things get out of hand...

Here are some of things that I learned while strolling the leather-scented exhibits:

1. When one suffers for foot beauty like this:

These make my silver snakeskin stilettos look like broken-in Uggs

one would be better off just going commando:

Thought Bubble:
"Sure, I may have some facial hair issues and a muffin top, but by god, are my feet comfortable."

2. Although quilled and beaded mocassins like this:

are exquisite, according to a fascinating video I watched, the bead:saliva ratio is about 50/50. Ewww.

3. Historically, group shopping for shoes may have once been a man's domain:

Buyer: "What about a 9 and 1/2? Does it come in half sizes? What about more of an ox-blood color? You got that in stock?"

Vendor (to self): "If he asks for the "Puss In Boots" special one more time, I swear I will gut him with a shoehorn..."

4. Elvis' blue suede shoes are not completely blue nor suede:

and appear to maybe have been stepped on a time or two.

5. The Bata Shoe Museum may have been duped by a flim flam flip flop peddlar. The museum alleges that these:
...are Rudolf Nuryev's ballet slippers. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to call bullsh*t. Because I saw a full frontal photo of Nuryev (or shall I say, "Neigggggggh-urrrr-ee-vv") at the Avedon Photo Exhibit in San Diego this past summer, and there is no way that these teeny tiny Capezios could be his.

Now, this cowboy boot might be more like it:
Note that the boots to the left are probably about a standard Men's Size 10

And the final thing I learned is this:

6. There is hope for my dog yet.

Dogs in shoes.


Mental P Mama said...

I never met a shoe I didn't like!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

THey say shoes make the man.

I say shoe size makes the man.

Did you happen to catch the name of the owner of that manly sized boot?

Ellen said...

Where are Shauna's Lucite shoes?

baronessvonb said...

Countess Mama: But I have met many who did not like me back!

Countess CBW: I have his basic information, and I currently doing a google search on his whereabouts.

Countess Ellen: All of the 'celebrity' shoes had SIGNIFICANT cultural influence and sadly, The Empress did not make the cut.

Personally, I think the museum was worried about all of the waivers that would have to be signed, absolving themselves of responsibility from injuring incurred from the weeping, genuflecting, and general swooning. Who wants another Shroud of Turin scenario, really?

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