You Can Take My Tree, But You Can't Take Carol

For those who had the misfortune to not be able to witness the freak-a-licious John Malkovich on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, he kicked off the holiday show with a riveting reading of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas", complete with roaring fire beside him, quasi-attentive children at his feet, and a belly full of bile just waiting to be spit into everyone's hot cocoa. Check it out:




Not to be outdone, the Baroness feels compelled to also jump into the spirit of the holidays with a riveting rendition of her own. It's infinitely better and far more spirited-er than some strange, semi-crossed-eyed certifiable whackadoodle (and I didn't spit in anyone's bevvies. Honest). Without further ado, may I present to you:

Deck the Halls
(from the poem by John Cieriog Hughes)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la, la la la la

'Tis the season to be jolly

(photo credit here)

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our gay apparel

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la la, la la la la la

Troll the ancient Yuletide carol

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yule before us

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Strike the harp and join the chorus

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la la, la la la la

Follow me in merry measure

(photo credit here)
Fa la la la la la, la la la

While I tell of Yuletide treasure

Fa la la la la, la la

La

La

Now that's what I call holiday spirit! Suck it, Malkovich!!

Oh, and btw Johnny? I stole all of your butter sticks.

Say hi to Pai Natal for me.

Today's Letters: S,N,L & (von) B

*(Non)Spoiler Alert: At some point during this post, I will be referring to an inconsequential scene from "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" movie. So, if you:

a) haven't seen the movie yet and are intending to,
b) are an Indy oficianado/George Lucas stalker, or
c) are worried that I am a pathological liar, DO NOT proceed past the middle of this post.
You have been warned.

Two things you must know about the von Bloggenschtern children.

Number one. They are, in this completely impartial mother's estimation, 2 of the insane-liest funny people on earth. Really. They amuse me to no end (and as a Baroness - I am not easily amused).

Number two. In order to nourish this humour and to keep it strong and thriving, they have been raised on a steady diet of the tv and movies that the Baron and I deem to be worthy of taking up space in their brains' culture center. Sure, there's a lot of stuff in there that we were in no way responsible for, but in the main, we've shown them the way.

Of the many shows we watch, the one with the most longevity is Saturday Night Live. Both the Baron and I have been viewers for many, many years. I myself lapsed a little in the Charles Rocket years, but the Baron has remained steadfast (one word here : sucKAH!).

And, in raising children, one of the coolest things for me is patiently sitting on the sidelines, watching them discover something (you already know is) great for themselves. SNL has become quite a vonB bonding experience, and has produced many family catchphrases that my very funny sons manage to trot out at just the appropriate moments. Hilarity then ensues.

What's with this rambling preamble?

To set the scene for 2 proud parenting humour moments that happened this last weekend:

Scene 1: Goldberg's Deli, Bellevue Factoria Mall

The von B's have tried valiantly to finish their huge American food portions. But there is just one lox and bagel that cannot, in any terms, be shoved down anyone's pie hole. We are sated, people.
So our lovely waitress comes by, and the Baron asks her if she could put the bagel in a bag to go.

Well, says our waitress, we don't have any bags - how about a box?

Which leads our sons to start singing their version of "Lox in a Box", a take-off of the Justin Timberlake/Andy Samberg song from a recent SNL Digital Short:





We laughed. We cried. We bought the hot mustard.

Scene 2: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull movie

In one very somber scene, Indy is packing up some things, and the camera pans across the room. Across some significant artifacts from the past, across his desk, festooned with personal photos.

It stops right in front of a picture of Sean Connery, who at one point played Henry Jones, Indy's father.

Do the von B's let this poignant moment go? Hellz, no.

In full view of my family, I shake my fist at the screen, and under my breath mutter,

"TREBEK!!".

We all shake with the giggles, and are quickly marginalized by the rest of the theatre-goers as the lunatic backwoods Canadian family.

Between gasping for air between guffaws, I kvell over the coolness that is my children. On the days they rock, they RAWK.

For those of you not familiar with the SNL-contrived rivalry between Sean Connery and Alex Trebek, enjoy: