Wednesday, December 12, 2007

(Disposable) Baby on Board

Ack. It's happened again. Much to The Baroness' dismay and disgust, I have seen a infant riding in a car with one of those yellow "Baby on Board" signs hanging in the back window. Don't misunderstand me - I love infants. It's their idiot parents I can't stand. The ones who go to the effort of buying and putting up a "Baby On Board" sign - they just can't be bothered to buy an actual car seat for said baby.

You know the ones - the ones who, for whatever moronic reason, seem to think that their baby would be much safer travelling in their arms. The ones who believe that, in the event of a collision, their human limbs will rise above the laws of physics and reality and shelter their precious child from impact. You know the ones - the ones who eschew the proven worth of an child car seat in lieu of letting their toddler roam freely up, down, over, under and all around the car. Waving at me from the ledge above the back seat, no less.

What is wrong with you people? Is it thrift? Well, you managed to buy a sign, and you have on a fabulously expensive winter jacket. Is is poverty? Most hospitals now have a program where you can be given a car seat if you can't afford one before you even leave the maternity ward. Different cultural values? Oh, I see, in your culture you don't value human life until one's old enough to do up their own seat belt. Give me a break. Is it laziness? Apathy? A super-hero-esque protective shield around your vehicle that makes you impervious to fender benders? Get out of your damn dream world.

I live in a city where I (an adult)(who can do up my own seat belt) am very wary of other drivers. People are always in a hurry, there's a lot of construction going on, with the consequent road rage to accompany it. And now, joy of joys, it's holiday season. So the crazed masses are not simply driving, they're speeding to the mall/talking on their cell phones/drinking their coffee/flipping someone off/text messaging their best friend. Throw an infant into the mix (which, ironically, is how I believe this holiday originally began) and mayhem is sure to ensue:

"Did you bring the car seat?"
"I didn't bring the car seat - I had the baby. Did YOU bring the car seat?"
"No, I had the diaper bag, stroller, toy box, coffee, cell phone, and iPod."
"Well, screw it. We're late for the 4 AM 1-hour after-Thanksgiving-special-psycho-early-bird shopping day sale. Just put him on your lap."
"Sounds like a plan."

Now, when the Baroness gave birth to Duke #1 and Duke #2, she did her best to make damn sure that they each were protected from harm in every way possible. Why? Because, in essence, they were a part of her, and had resided in her private quarters for close to 10 months. To this very day, the Baroness values these two beasts beyond all else(except, of course, The Baron, but that's a story for another day). Even now, as they are close to leaving our home to take on countries of their own, I still nag and indoctrinate (while they're sleeping - very effective!) and I threaten, and ultimately, I protect. They're miracles, you see. Or maybe that's part of the problem. These parents don't/won't/can't see this simple truth. It is their responsibility to do for their child what their child cannot do for themselves.

I hereby implore all "Baby on Board' sign manufacturers to raise their prices, and include a free child's car seat with every purchase.

"Baby On Board", indeed.

No comments:

Blog Designed by Rita of CoffeeShop