Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Whoa, Snow and the Down Low on my M.O.

Like something out of a shiny, treacly Pretty Princess dream, the Baroness rubbed the pixie dust out of her eyes this morning to a world festooned with a liberal dosing of downy white snow.

However. Unlike something fairytale-esque and dream-like, this winterland vista begins the nightmarish dreaded Snow Day. For, in the Baroness' corner of the world, snow on the road sings its siren song only to naive new drivers and the categorically insane. Rain, we can handle. No problemo. Given hydroplaning conditions, we have imprinted on our DNA the instinct to drive with the skill of a stunt driver in a Volvo commercial. But snow? Ack.

Which means that unless I want to Ugg it anywhere, I am homebound. This should be appealing, non? This should mean that I can find amusing activities within the confines of the vonB homestead. Television? Seems like a viable option. A nap? Even better. The sad truth of the matter is that there is much busywork to be done within my little vonBloggenschtern principality. It was a quick mental review of my To-Do list that gave me a split-second glimpse into my modus opperandi.

I truly admire that select group of people who leap out of bed every morning, full of vim, vigor and dare I say, zealous fervor. (I fear. Yes I do. But more importantly, I admire). Alas, this is not me. I slink out from under the covers every morning, on autopilot from bedside to bathroom to the 1 square foot of sacred space in front of the magic elixir machine. Once I have fuelled up, I am then ready to face my responsibilities. Here's where the ToDo list epiphany comes into play - I realized today that my ToDo list should really be called my (I Don't Want) To Do list. This itemization outlines all of the activities I am actively putting off, but cannot shirk onto some poor unwitting family member. At the top of the list is the thing that I don't want to do, but given enough coffee and gentle (!) urging from the Baron, it may get done. At the bottom, the thing I don't want to do the most. Ever. Happily ever after. The end.

Yesterday, #1 was sitting down and getting all of my committee nonsense organized. As I oh-so-cleverly avoided it yesterday (and did nothing at all on the list), it still remained #1. Taking its place today is a new #1 - re-doing baseboards in Duke #1's bathroom. I am extemely averse to doing this, but I don't want to do this less than facing all that whacked-out paperwork. Pity the last poor item on the Baroness' never-ending, always metamorphasizing (I Don't Want) To Do list. This will be a legacy project - for my great great grandchildren.

I have no excuse not to forge ahead. I have the baseboards, the mitre saw, the special blade. But the Baroness prefers to regard herself* (see yesterday's post) as an "Intellectual Meditating D.I.Y.'er". Kind of a melange of artist and craftsman. I figure if I gather all the equipment I need, and then envision the project for say - oh I don't know, 3 months? - it will somehow magically get done. Because, you know, that's what meditation is all about. Magic. Mmm hmm.

I'm having another ephiphany. Right this very minute. I do believe that baseboards are about to sink down to #2, and paperwork to #3. I'm going for a drive.


Anonymous said...

Really the only thing I ever put on my "to do" list is "Don't do anything". That way I always feel like I've accomplished something.

Very impressive that you'll be doing baseboards. Maybe you'll get your own show on TLC.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Only if I can co-host with Andrew Dan-Yummy. (Yes, baby, I'll pass you that screw-driver).

TLC - Hardy har har har. You are a very funny individual, Countess Suze!!

Lisa said...

Birds of a feather ... a fellow list-maker who hates driving in bad weather! The Dogs (the kind I'm not allergic to) and I worship at the altar of Krups each morning. Without that, nothing else would be possible.

By the way, I'm impressed with the whole mitre saw thing. Maybe you could do some michievous carpentry work when nobody's looking .... like, the carve the profile of Jesus into something ... then sell it on e-bay!

.... Babs Peapod

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

And your opening bid would be??

Pioneering in PA said...

Take me with you. I don't care if we have to drive through 10 ft. of white-packed-essence-of-hell, just don't leave me here to accomplish my list of things to do today. Like scrubbing floors. And folding laundry. Doing more laundry. Cleaning bedrooms, and possibly (gag) painting a bedroom. Don't leave me, I beg of you!

The Guv'ner said...

I truly admire that select group of people who leap out of bed every morning, full of vim, vigor and dare I say, zealous fervor.

I want to kill those people. How dare they embrace the morning? Don't they know mornings are for sleeping late and dreaming nice dreams and relaxing? Although I am forced to debunk at 7:30 a.m. I certainly don't LIKE it and people who do need to be taught the error of their ways. :)

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Fried PC: It's a bit of a commute, but if I start out now (I'll be driving at approximately 30 mph), I might be able to save you from chores in, oh say a month or so?

Guv'ner: If anyone in the world were to teach one the error of their ways, it would definitely be you. Although the Uberlord seems to a hard nut to crack. And I know how much you really want to crack those nuts. With a vise. Or a sledgehammer. Keep trying!!

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