Monday, January 28, 2008

Ooooh, Y'All! I Heart Paula Deen!

Inhale, 1, 2.

Exhale, 1,2.

Inhale1, 2 a-a-a-n-n-n-nd exhale1, 2.

Enough of this nonsense. The Baroness is so beside herself with glee, she cannot possibly begin to calm down. To quote Countess Scarlett , I'm licking the walls (gee, I hope I used this term in the appropriate context...). Why is this so, Baroness? Forget about pulling up the cozy chair this time. Don't bother even getting comfortable. This can't possibly wait for you to do all that. I'm just going to blurt it out - I'm going to Savannah, y'all!

Yes, (yup?) - plans have been finalized, reservations made, cholesterol-related drugs ordered. It's now official. The Baroness and her faithful companion Countess Vi are off to stalk us some Paula Deen. And Bobby Dean. And Jamie Dean. Maybe even her dog (as I write this, I realize that perhaps it may not be prudent to be putting this in writing - it can only end up serving as evidence. Oh well, fiddle dee dee. I look stunning in orange - brings out my aqua eyes).

I am sure that at this point, some of you may have questions. Why Savannah, Baroness? Why Paula Deen, Baroness? Why now, Baroness? And why, oh, why do you continue to speak in the third person? I will now attempt to illuminate you, to draw you in to the weird and whack-a-doodle von Bloggenschtern world...

1. Why Savannah? Well, when B vonB and Countess V were planning this girly getaway, Countess V (who lives in the glacial midwest) insisted that it be somewhere warm. My only criteria was that it be in the U.S., and that wherever we went, they had accents. Voila! Georgia. On my mind. It seems perfectly logical to moi. Those of you who know the Baroness know that my logic defies description, and, well - logic. In this universe, anyways. So let me be.

2. Why Paula Deen? Let me count the ways. Her laugh, her spirit, her corn-pone accent (which the Baron insists is put on. Heathen.), her ability to turn everyday boxes of pudding into the sublime.

I have been a Paula fan from a long way back, since her early Food Channel days, when I saw her shredding a big ol' baked chicken into wee tiny shreds of heaven with her ring-laden, long-nailed bare hands. I was transfixed. Perhaps appalled. But definitely transfixed. This was clearly a woman who meant binn-iss. Plus, she bears a striking resemblance to one of my favorite relatives, Great Aunt Lexa. Who, by the way, also knew her way around a box of jello. Such an artisan. And a prairie fashion plate to boot. That woman could work a housecoat like no one else. Oh, Lexa...

I digress. I did not premeditate this trip with the agenda of lurking after the Lady and Sons (this may also be used as evidence, and overrules the stalking confession earlier). Like so many other things Southern, it is merely the gravy on top. In fact, I am fully aware of the fact that Ms. Deen and/or her hunk o' hunk o' burning sons may not be there. But their aura will be. Plus some kick-heart (as opposed to kick-ass) food. And some sort of memorabilia.

3. Why now? Well, why not? Countess Vi and I have plans to visit the birthplace of Dean Martin - Steubenville, Ohio - but it's not the right time of year. Hey! Don't think I don't hear you out there thinking to yourself - is there a right time of year to visit Steubenville? Yes. Yes there is. I think* that Ohio might be far more delightful in the fall. Plus, I'm in need of some inspiration to fill the creative well. Surely people with accents will be kitschy. (I did see Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil- it should be like that, non? That Lady Chablis really kicked it. )

*see explanation of Baroness logic, article 1.

4. The third person thing? The Baroness finds this very amusing. And she is the self-appointed royalty in her own life*.

*Again, see logic, article1.

So, dear readers, The Baroness awaits your response. Suggested places to go? Things to eat? Accents to hear? Tell me everything, y'all.



7 comments:

Pioneering in PA said...

I know nothing about Georgia, other than the ill fact that every time I rode through there as a child on a long haul from NY to FLA, my nose was assaulted with the foulest smell on earth. Something to do with all of the paper mills down there, or so I was told. Can't always trust those you deem to be more intelligent than Einstein, especially when you don't know any better.

Just in case, pack an oxygen mask. Hook it up to a straw and have your food pureed, and your nose may never meet the foulness that mine did. It hasn't been right since.

Hey, it might not even be all of Georgia. Just the huge stretch of it that I went through.

Enjoy your trip!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Hmm. Valid point - the version of Midnight in the Garden of blah blah blah I saw was not in Smell-o-vision.
It didn't look smelly...

But, we used to have a working fish cannery a few blocks away, so I'm not unused to odd fragrances in the air.
Be that as it may, I will be on the lookout for a fashion-forward oxygen mask. Maybe one with fake lips glued to it!

Lisa said...

No curiosity here about your admiration of Ms. Deen and her (giggle) hunk-o-hunk-o-burnin sons! She had me at "then you add a pound of butter, a hunk of cream cheese, and a cuppa mayo!" Bon voyage .... bon appetit ... and as for dean martin, well, you can put him on your iPod. Steubenville can wait! Have fun!!!! ... Babs Peapod

othurme said...

I was just blog surfing and saw this here post... I spent all of one day in Savannah last year and it is a BEAUTIFUL city. I look forward to going back and spending some real time there. My suggestions...
1) If you want to eat at one of Paula's restaurants, make reservations as soon as possible. She is a goddess in Savannah and her restaurants are always booked way in advance.
2) If you get the time, read the book Midnight In The Garden of Good Evil. It's so much better than the movie.
3) There are lots of other cool places to see within driving distance of Savannah. Hilton Head, SC and Charleston, SC are both very close and both great places to see if you have enough time.

Have fun and lots of good low country cooking.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Pioneering got it right--those paper mills are foul. But, you don't really smell them once you get into Savannah proper. There is a yummy Japanese restaurant that has a SUPER deal on their lunches. It is called Musashi and it is near Oglethorpe Mall. It is (or was) $9.95 to watch them do all the slicing and dicing and cooking fight in front of you. And the food is oh so yummy. There is also mini golf right next door. It makes for a nice morning/lunch combo to take the kids to play "putt-putt" (as they call it down there) and then go watch the Japanese chef.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Ooooh, y'all are making me nervous with your stink talk! I will make sure that I, much to the dismay of Countess Vi, douse myself in liberal amounts of essence of magnolia (or whatever par-foom they wear down there).

Thanks so much to you, Countess NATUI, for the food tip. Mamma loves her some sushi! And mini-golf too? This just pushed the needle on the kitsch-o-meter wa-a-a-y up!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Oops, almost forgot - thanks to Count Othurme for the tips - I've heard good things about S. Carolina, so hopefully (if we're not overcome by noxious fumes) we'll be able to do some exploring...

 
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