Friday, April 4, 2008

Take Me Out to the Baron-ess.... (Day 6)

...Take me out with the crowd.

It's the beginning of baseball season, so in a loving nod to the Baron's adoration of America's favorite pastime (no, not NASCAR) , I would liken this junction in the Baroness 70-Fact-O-Rama to the famous 7th Inning Stretch. We're so close to the end;I know you're tired, baby. You've really toughed it out like a trooper (who knew this game would last seven lo-o-ong days), and I'm so proud of you - but there's still just a little more commitment required.

And then it will be all over, we can wipe the mustard off our shirts, grab our half-eaten bags of peanuts and CrackerJack, and start the long walk back to the car. The Baroness validates, by the way. Just show me your ticket on the way out of the ballpark.

I'll wait patiently right here until you adjust your "Baroness is #1" foam finger, and turn to page 6 of your program. Shall we commence? Play Ball!

19. Dream vacation #1 - Telluride Film Festival. Never hear of Telluride? It's kind of like the Sundance FF's older, drug-dabbling cousin. To be honest, I'm not really there to throw down with the celebrities, though a chat with Ralph Fiennes would be quite yummy. I just love that I could potentially walk around seeing underfunded yet wonderful movies dawn to dusk.

18. I am a award-winning grudge holder. I'm not too proud of this, and I've let go of quite a bit. But still...There's that whole Aunt Ruby thing.

17. I am an adult orphan, and have very little contact with whatever living relatives are left. My mom was the family liaison, and now that she's gone, I don't have the heart nor the stomach to pick up the reins.

16. When I am focussed on something, I am freakishly focussed. Possessed, even. Don't waste your breath asking me a question - I'm in another world, brother. I'll send you a postcard. Maybe.

15. Words can't sufficiently express how grateful I am for what I have: a fantastic husband, healthy kids, a home, amazing friends. I might not get mushy very much, but my gratitude has made me cry on more than one occasion.

14. Please take note. When I am tired, I am cranky. Not just your garden-variety cantankerousness. But foul. Nasty. Spiteful. Exorcist-esque. Just clear me a path to my bed and let me be. We'll talk in the morning. Trust me - you want to do this.

13. I'm not the best friend in the world, but I'm learning. And I have an unbelievable array of mentors, who each provide exquisite examples of what to do.

12. Call it survival, call it empathy, call it bat-shit loco. I have the ability to enter a room and sense what's going on - who's pissed off but think they're hiding it well, who's about to lose it, who's checked out and is a million miles away. All in about 3 seconds flat.

11. One of my favorite relatives was my Great Aunt Lexa. She was the epitome of a strapping Prairie Woman. She somehow managed to always be wearing dresses and, at the same time, the pants of the family. She was big, and tall, and loud, and funny as hell. She had a husband who was p-whipped to within an inch of his life, and he adored her. When she passed, my Great Uncle sent me a whole box of her jewelry that she wanted me to have. I love it to bits.

10. Again, in keeping with the baseball motif, I maintain a "3 Strike Rule" about almost everything. I'm pretty generous with the first two calls. After the 3rd that's it. We're done.

Sadly/happily, tomorrow will end our fascinating exploration of the outer chamber of the inner workings of the Baroness. I hope that you've been paying attention, and maybe smiling every once in a while (maybe you had an "Aha!" moment. For that, I would kindly direct you over here. There is no "aha-ing" in vonBloggenschtern world. There - I just gave you a bonus fact, free of charge. 'Cuz that's how I roll, babe).

Yes, I hope. And as you know, my hope does spring eternal.

Until Saturday, I bid you a fond adieu.


Not Afraid to Use It said...

Oh wow. Where do I start? I think the grudge thing will have to be discussed over margaritas.

As for the tired and cranky bit, that goes for me except tired makes me cranky--HUNGRY makes me loco. Just ask poor Hubbie. He will flat out tell me I need to eat because I am being such a bitch.

I think your #12 survival thing is AWESOME. You and I need to get together and talk about this. Too cool!!!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Count NATUI:
Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

I really don't need a conversation topic for margueritas. And, if you noticed about the focus thing #16, don't speak while I'm getting my drink on! Afterwards, we'll talk. And oh my, won't it be interesting...

With hunger, I just shut down. I. simply. can't .function.

The survival thing? Was very helpful growing up - when the organic matter was about to hit the fan, I could sense to duck with all of the mad skillz of Cain.

I do believe that you and I would have a lot to talk about.

Lisa said...

Well, we may have to take separate dream vacations, but when it comes to focus I think we're cut from the same dress pattern. I'm wired to work hard, play hard .... "anything worth doing is worth overdoing." haha

Barbra Peapod

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Babs: So where is your dream vacation? Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle - New Mexico is between Colorado & DR, right?

I love the BPDB philosophy - anything worth doing is worth overdoing - HA!

Just as long as hangovers, broken hips and sleep deprivation can be avoided - I'm in!

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