Ode to a STD

*Note: Before all of you weak-stomached readers out there get your knickers in the proverbial knot - I am not, repeat not - speaking of my own maladies. Any cottage cheese I may claim ownership to is sitting in its rightful place, on the top shelf of the refrigerator.

So, I'm driving along this morning, listening to one of my favorite oldies stations, and a song from Tony Orlando and Dawn (remember them?) comes on.

It is called "Candida".

This immediately begs the question, in my skewed view of the world - who, in their right mind, names a song after a yeast infection?

Is this one of those subtle innuendo songs, like "Imaginary Lover" or "Blinded by the Light" ?

I started to pay attention to the chorus, and began to read between the lines...

Oh, Oh, Candida
(yeah, we're on a first name basis ;we've met before.)
We can make it together
(because no one else will want to be with us)
The further from here, girl, the better
(we can buy our treatment at a pharmacy the next town over)
Where the air is fresh and clean
(out in the woods, no one will see us scratch ourselves)

Oh, Candida
(oh, I'm so incredibly miserable)
Just take my hand and I'll lead ya
(to the nearest washroom)
I promise that life will be sweeter
(once the medicine starts to kick in)
'Cuz it says so in my dreams
(dreams - more like frickin' nightmares)

Now if Mr. Orlando, currently in his senior-ish years had any sense whatsoever lurking in that humongous mustache of his, he would be signing up a deal with Monistat.

Stat.

If you will excuse me, I'm off to search iTunes for T.O. & Dawns little-know follow-up hit, "Syphillis".