Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ode to a STD

*Note: Before all of you weak-stomached readers out there get your knickers in the proverbial knot - I am not, repeat not - speaking of my own maladies. Any cottage cheese I may claim ownership to is sitting in its rightful place, on the top shelf of the refrigerator.

So, I'm driving along this morning, listening to one of my favorite oldies stations, and a song from Tony Orlando and Dawn (remember them?) comes on.

It is called "Candida".

This immediately begs the question, in my skewed view of the world - who, in their right mind, names a song after a yeast infection?

Is this one of those subtle innuendo songs, like "Imaginary Lover" or "Blinded by the Light" ?

I started to pay attention to the chorus, and began to read between the lines...

Oh, Oh, Candida
(yeah, we're on a first name basis ;we've met before.)
We can make it together
(because no one else will want to be with us)
The further from here, girl, the better
(we can buy our treatment at a pharmacy the next town over)
Where the air is fresh and clean
(out in the woods, no one will see us scratch ourselves)

Oh, Candida
(oh, I'm so incredibly miserable)
Just take my hand and I'll lead ya
(to the nearest washroom)
I promise that life will be sweeter
(once the medicine starts to kick in)
'Cuz it says so in my dreams
(dreams - more like frickin' nightmares)

Now if Mr. Orlando, currently in his senior-ish years had any sense whatsoever lurking in that humongous mustache of his, he would be signing up a deal with Monistat.


If you will excuse me, I'm off to search iTunes for T.O. & Dawns little-know follow-up hit, "Syphillis".


Not Afraid to Use It said...

LOL That is just WRONG!

Asthmagirl said...

Totally remember that song, however I was young at the time and didn't know about such things. My question is "who names their kid after a yeast infection?"

lissa said...

hilarious. thanks for sharing it.

The Guv'ner said...

Hahaha, I'm a big fan of "Knock Three Times" but I don't usually admit it. Hell who cares? That's a great song to belt out in the car during road trips. YES IT IS.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess NATUI: It is wrong. You are so correct. Leave to investigative noblewomen like me to expose the truth.

Countess AG: Exactly!

Countess Lissa: You're very welcome.
(exactly what am I being thanked for sharing?)

Guv: Twice on the pipes, baby!!

Mental P Mama said...

Good God you are funny.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess MPM: Funny ha ha or funny weird? (I'm ok with either).

Lisa said...

Ahhh, it's so good to be back to visit my dear friend the Baronness ... and I see you're still as witty as ever!

Tony Orlando is playing at a local casino sometime soon -- I see his big head plastered on a billboard on the way to work every morning. Not a sight for the faint at heart .... or sighted.

..Barbra Peapod

Michele (Moosh) said...

Oh holy hell. I stumbled onto your blog from a blog I stumbled upon while trying to stumble on a different blog. Got it?

So glad I stumbled. You are hilarious. I shouldn't have had garlic for dinner, because I'm laughing so hard the room stinks from my breath. Thanks a lot.


Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Babs: C'mon. Admit it. You're secretly smitten with ol' big-headed Tony O. Just not to swerve off the road when you're pretend kissing him with your eyes closed.

Countess Michele/Moosh: I, too, am so glad you stumbled - I just hope you didn't damage yourself on the way over here! As for garlic - stick with it, love. It's the new black.

That being said - I'm sorta glad I'm here and you and your garlic breath are there.

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