Monday, November 3, 2008

Slot-Playin' Simians with Marvelous Manicures

Quick note: For all of you Halloween junkies who just can't get enough of having the bejeebuzz scared out of you and wish it was October 31st every day, just an FYI that I've extended the deadline of the "Spooktacular" Baroness Book Giveaway until midnight on Friday, November 7th. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the entries... Click here to see how to enter now!

It has been said that if a room full of chimpanzees were put in a room full of typewriters, eventually they would be able to hammer out the complete (compleet?) works of William Shakespeare.

As far I know from scanning the information highway, this has yet to occur. Although they've come close, by hammering out the complete works of Danielle Steele.

But, I am beginning to have more than a suspicion that these monkeys are itching to write.

I am also willing to share one of my many conspiracy theories with you all, you beautiful blogosphere friends of mine. The one that claims that there appear to be secret lairs dotted throughout the U.S.; rooms of chimpanzees and unlimited PC's at their disposal.

Their mission?

In order to keep their rhyming couplet chops in fine form, their mandate (primate-date?) is two-fold:

1) Come up with names for cosmetics, and
2) Come up with names for slot machines

Part 2 of "Operation Bard" became apparent to me this past weekend, as the Baron and I ventured south of the border; the Baron to partake in a little birdwatching, me to once again try to bolster the sagging economy through the use of well-strategized budgetary fiduciary blahdee blahdee blah'ing.

We decided that a location in the best interest for both parties would be at a Resort just outside the Seattle city limits. This Resort has a casino attached, and it was here that everything suddenly became illuminated.

Monkeys. Secret MacIntosh bunkers. What else could explain slot machine titles such as these?:

. Copper Dropper (refers to either 1 cent or something to do with assaulting police officers - I hear chimpanzees are notoriously anti-authoritarian...)

. Scatter Magic (Here 'Scatter' would be a noun, i.e. one who scats. And then flings it. Right at your head - I'm not talking Ella)

. Good Cents (Proof positive that the pun is not a highly evolved figure of speech)

. Ms. Clara T (Rather clever, for a monkey. Say it out loud to yourself...)

. Milk Money (Again, mocking humans. Like we would spend our milk money in a casino. I don't even drink milk anymore - I'm lactose intolerant, you stupid hairy ape!)(But 'MaiTai' Money just doesn't have the same folksy vibe to it)

. Rich Little Piggies (Oh, like pounding out these gems is making you a fortune. Yah - a fortune in monkey chow. Written by the monkey currently reading 'Helter Skelter' - the one that always eats alone in the lunchroom)

. Lucky Lemmings (Yes. Yes we are. Lemmings, that is. We're all drawn like a pulsating swarm to the nicotine-clouded allure of the casino. Ooh, shiny!) (Someone's been spending too much time i the breakroom watching 'World Series of Poker')

. Twice Your Monkey (A-HA!! This was the one that gave it all away - obviously a cry for help from some lost soul on the inside - where's Norman Mailer when you really need him?)

. Stinkin' Rich (Originally called 'I Heart Your Stinky Rich Patootee'; voted down at a highly volatile team-building weekend retreat to the Woodland Park Zoo)

. Davinci Diamonds (Any excuse to slap a picture of Mona on a machine - they all have big crushes on her, as she doesn't have eyebrows, either...)

...and my personal favorite - "EGYPTAGON" (to be said in a deep Monster Truck Rally voice that echoes, echoes, echoes).

We'll continue discussing this at some later date. I've spent an exhausting afternoon doing some investigative reporting, and will soon be cracking the case on conditions surrounding cosmetic naming. Stay tuned!


Mental P Mama said...

LOl. Danielle Steele.

Cormac Brown said...

"I'm not talking Ella"


Odd that it would take me four seconds and three readings to get this, probably because I had Dame Fitzgerald's version of "A Tisket, A Tasket" bouncing around in my head a day ago.

Baroness von B said...

Countess MPM: I know! I may have shot myself in the foot with that one, but someone had to say what everyone only thinks.

Count Cormac: Wow.3 times? Seriously? I've really got to work on being less obtuse. Said the triangle to the rhombus.

{i}Post said...

I am so jealous that you and the Baron keep heading over to that side of the country. When are you coming to the Eastern side of the US? :0(

bitterdiva said...

I liked mai tai monkey. Or maybe Blue Hawaii monkey?

Baroness von B said...

Countess iPost: It would appear that while they love me in Latvia, I also have quite a few blends in your neck of the woods. I'm thinking a road trip might be in order. I just have to pass that one by the CFO. Wish me luck! "So, you want to go to the Eastern US to meet a bunch of women you've never met before?".

Countess BD: I find the MaiTai to be the definitive Hawaiian drink. The Elvis beverage? A tad contrived. For my taste, anyhoo.

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