Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wordsmith Wednesday

Well, aren't you all somethin'?

Dare I say it?

Yes, I believe I will.

You are spooktacular.

All I know is that one year soon, when I win me the lottery, I'm having a big ol', bobbin' for apples, eyeballs-floating-in-the-fruit punch, Vincent Price meets Christopher Lee meets Dark Shadows Halloween party. And each and every one of you creative geniuses is invited. You, my dears, put the "A" in "A-Game"! (I guess technically you put two "A"s in - that is how freakin' amazing you are!!)

Here I was, thinking that when I ran my Spooktacular Baroness Book Giveaway and asked for your favorite Halloween outfit, I would hear about the pedestrian. The store-bought. The easy.

Silly, silly me.

Instead I got this:

Dear Baroness:

The best costume I have ever donned was when I went as a Cat perched in her litter box. I used a large box made to look like a litter box. I filled it with quick oats to resemble kitty litter and had it strewn with the larger tootsie rolls. I had the appropriate ears, tail and whiskers. I wore black gloves and in hidden in the palm of my hand I had a ball of real cat fur that I had collected from combing my cat. I was in the box in a cart and wheeled in front of the judges. The human wheeling me stopped in front of the judges and pretended to comb me. She stopped and I acted like I was horking up a hairball(as only a cat can do) and I then proceeded to drop it at their feet. My boss (as this contest was held at work) leaned over and grabbed a tootsie roll out of the litter and ate it. Needless to say the crowd went wild (well, I ask you - who doesn't love a good firm tootsie roll?)

and then these (in no particular order):

1. Dead Bride - complete with tire tracks across the front of the wedding dress (nice touch!)

2. Dolly Parton & Scarlett O'Hara (contestant did not say if these two costumes were worn simultaneously. Houston, we're gonna need some bigger drapes!!)

3. Raistlin, the golden-skinned mage from the Dragonlance series of books, complete with gold fingernails. (Rocked the fake bake golden hue YEARS before it rose to popularity. Such a visionary...)

4. A clothesline. Along with 3 friends, Contestant X and her co-horts wore all black, tied themselves in clothesline and used those clothesline pins to hang up socks and underwear. (Apparently this was a quasi-adult version of the kindergarten line, so they wouldn't lose each other during the evening. Kind of awkward though during makeouts with the werewolf dude - that was a costume, right? - or the limbo line)

5. Caroline Bessette-Kennedy. Contestant "Y" wore a cashmere sweater set with a pencil skirt a big fake rolex and a fake diamond ring. She sewed plastic seaweed from the fish store all over her outfit. She admits, "Tasteless but topical". (Tasteless? Really? I would have thought there was a slight saltiness and the distinct aroma of kelp)

6. Cereal killer. Contest "Z" and her pint-sized accomplice murdered mini cereals and taped them to his shirt. (How does one murder cereal, I wonder? Ah yes, with grapefruit juice. That was one sucky breakfast, let me tell you something)

Last, but not least,

7. The Wet tshirt Contest Winner, complete with large foam, um, .... enhancements (is that what you kids are calling them nowadays?)

All I can say is " ".


I have no words. I am awestruck.

Well done, one and all! Start keeping an eye peeled for your goodies in the mail...

The next book up on deck for review on Wordsmith Wednesday is "The Gifted Gabaldon Sisters" by Lorraine Lopez:


Asthmagirl said...

If you throw a party with a Dark Shadows them, I am there with my Barnabus Collins secret decoder ring and the hovering microphone that "falls into" shots!

Love me some Dark Shadows!

Bubs said...

Those are some fabulous costumes. And please remember to invite me to that kick ass party when you have it?

RiverPoet said...

YAY! I am looking forward to collecting the prize. Gosh, I wish I had been the one to think of being the cat on the litter box, though. Priceless!!!

Peace - D

Mental P Mama said...

Separate. Dolly Parton one year, Scarlett the next. But I like the idea of a combination....

Not Afraid to Use It said...

The cat one is awesome, but to whomever was Raistlin? I think I almost fainted when I read that. I do not know a single other soul who read those books, and I think I have a new hero.

{i}Post said...

Bwahahahaha! Too funny everyone! Can't wait to hear your review on the next book!

Baroness von B said...

Countess AG: The Dark Shadows was a nod to Countess Rachel, who I know is a big fan. Who knew there were actually 2 of you. You really should meet...

Count Tiki: You bet - just give me a Powerball win, and I would fly in all my blends from far and wide - wait - this doesn't count as some sort of weird contract does it? Do you know anything about law?

Countess D: I know Miss Kitty personally, and I can state without a dark shadow of doubt that Halloween is her favorite day, eclipsing even here children's birthdays.

Countess MPM: Hey! You better give me credit for this next October, Scarlly O'Parton!

Countess NATUI: Please read your gmail. All will become goldeny-clear.

Countess iPost: Have you read this already? Maybe you could do a guest post?

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