Wordsmith Wednesday

Well, aren't you all somethin'?

Dare I say it?

Yes, I believe I will.

You are spooktacular.

All I know is that one year soon, when I win me the lottery, I'm having a big ol', bobbin' for apples, eyeballs-floating-in-the-fruit punch, Vincent Price meets Christopher Lee meets Dark Shadows Halloween party. And each and every one of you creative geniuses is invited. You, my dears, put the "A" in "A-Game"! (I guess technically you put two "A"s in - that is how freakin' amazing you are!!)

Here I was, thinking that when I ran my Spooktacular Baroness Book Giveaway and asked for your favorite Halloween outfit, I would hear about the pedestrian. The store-bought. The easy.

Silly, silly me.

Instead I got this:

Dear Baroness:

The best costume I have ever donned was when I went as a Cat perched in her litter box. I used a large box made to look like a litter box. I filled it with quick oats to resemble kitty litter and had it strewn with the larger tootsie rolls. I had the appropriate ears, tail and whiskers. I wore black gloves and in hidden in the palm of my hand I had a ball of real cat fur that I had collected from combing my cat. I was in the box in a cart and wheeled in front of the judges. The human wheeling me stopped in front of the judges and pretended to comb me. She stopped and I acted like I was horking up a hairball(as only a cat can do) and I then proceeded to drop it at their feet. My boss (as this contest was held at work) leaned over and grabbed a tootsie roll out of the litter and ate it. Needless to say the crowd went wild (well, I ask you - who doesn't love a good firm tootsie roll?)

and then these (in no particular order):

1. Dead Bride - complete with tire tracks across the front of the wedding dress (nice touch!)

2. Dolly Parton & Scarlett O'Hara (contestant did not say if these two costumes were worn simultaneously. Houston, we're gonna need some bigger drapes!!)

3. Raistlin, the golden-skinned mage from the Dragonlance series of books, complete with gold fingernails. (Rocked the fake bake golden hue YEARS before it rose to popularity. Such a visionary...)

4. A clothesline. Along with 3 friends, Contestant X and her co-horts wore all black, tied themselves in clothesline and used those clothesline pins to hang up socks and underwear. (Apparently this was a quasi-adult version of the kindergarten line, so they wouldn't lose each other during the evening. Kind of awkward though during makeouts with the werewolf dude - that was a costume, right? - or the limbo line)

5. Caroline Bessette-Kennedy. Contestant "Y" wore a cashmere sweater set with a pencil skirt a big fake rolex and a fake diamond ring. She sewed plastic seaweed from the fish store all over her outfit. She admits, "Tasteless but topical". (Tasteless? Really? I would have thought there was a slight saltiness and the distinct aroma of kelp)

6. Cereal killer. Contest "Z" and her pint-sized accomplice murdered mini cereals and taped them to his shirt. (How does one murder cereal, I wonder? Ah yes, with grapefruit juice. That was one sucky breakfast, let me tell you something)

Last, but not least,

7. The Wet tshirt Contest Winner, complete with large foam, um, .... enhancements (is that what you kids are calling them nowadays?)

All I can say is " ".

Really.

I have no words. I am awestruck.

Well done, one and all! Start keeping an eye peeled for your goodies in the mail...

The next book up on deck for review on Wordsmith Wednesday is "The Gifted Gabaldon Sisters" by Lorraine Lopez:

Wordsmith Wednesday

Felicitations, Congratulations, and a Huzzah, Huzzah to the Countess of YickYack, Countess Crystal, Mental P. Mama and Dale.

They are the lucky recipients of a copy of "Trunk Music" by Michael Connelly, the second selection from The Baroness Book Giveaway. Thanks to the lovelies at Hachette Book Group , too, for taking care of all of the administrative mumbo-jumbo. Been there, done that, dragged the inebriated boss out the local bar for her 4:00 pm meeting (silly cow)(her,not me), bought the designer t-shirt.

Believe me when I say that this is best left in the hands of professionals...

Also.

Believe me when I say, "But Wait! There's More!"

And I ain't talking no ginzu knives, people.

I have been advised that I am able to give away 50 - count 'em- 50 more books.

All at once. 10 titles; 5 copies each.

In time for Halloween - this shall be called:

The Baroness' "Spooktacular*" Book Giveaway
[DEAD-line:(hah!)(I kill myself)(hah again!!) is Friday October 31st, 2008, when the rooster crows at midnight]

(* I wish I could take credit for this particularly punny bon mot; sadly, I cannot)

Prepared to get your ghoul on - here they are, in their frightening fabulosity:
1. The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent (*also available as an audiobook)
2. Isolation by Travis Thrasher
3. The 13 Best Horror Stories of All Time by Leslie Pockell
4. The Monsters: Mary Shelley and the Curse of Frankenstein by Dorothy Hoobler
5. The Myrtles Plantation: The True Story of America's Most Haunted House by Frances Kermeen
6. Ghostly Encounters: True Stories of America's Haunted Inns and Hotels by Frances Kermeen
7. The Terror by Dan Simmons (*also available as an audiobook)
8. Dracula by Bram Stoker (*also available as an audiobook)
9. When Ghosts Speak: Understanding the World of Earthbound Spirits by Mary Ann Winkowski
10. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova (*also available as an audiobook)

Easy contest question - favorite Halloween costume EVER?

Maybe you never did Halloween. Maybe, though, you've seen a costume that you would have like to have rocked.

This will do.

Usual Rules:

1. Contest entries go to my private Bat-computer (which I keep under glass, just like the BatPhone): Baronessvonb@gmail.com

2. Please include a mailing address (no p.o. boxes, please)

3. Contestants must live in either the US or Canada. No Transylvanians - cheaters!

4. Indicate, if applicable, whether you want the book or the audiobook.

Wordsmith Wednesdays

Welcome, one and all, to the antithesis of "Wordless Wednesday".

Life is short, people, and I have waa-a-a-y too much to say to stop talking. Even for a day.

It is here that I will commence reviewing books randomly chosen by me off of a list provided by the lovely people at Hachette Book Group USA (I'm partial to shiny covers) , and it is here where I will begin contests for giveaways of the books I'm talking about.

Just not this week. Patience, darlings. It's a virtue, I hear.

Not too long ago, I finished up "The Mercedes Coffin" by Faye Kellerman. It was part of her Peter Decker/Rina Lazarus series.

I love Faye Kellerman's writing (her husband Jonathan is none too shabby either). I love the characters of Peter and Rina, and the lives that Faye has created for them; I've been watching them evolve for a very long time.

The storyline for this book involves 2 crimes, some 15 years apart, that have very similar M.O.s.

The first crime is a cold case - the murder of a high school principal who is found bound and shot execution-style in the back of his Mercedes, his car abandoned in a remote Los Angeles park.

The second, newer crime, triggers a re-opening of the case. Primo Ekerling, a music producer, is discovered dead in the trunk of his Mercedes, also bound and shot execution-style; his car parked on a city street for a time before it's discovered by the Grand Theft Auto division of the LAPD.

This book was published in 2008.

Shortly after finishing up this book, I received my first Hachette book, "Trunk Music", by Michael Connelly.

I have not read Mr. Connelly's work before, but I know bloggers who do, and seem to like him. That's good enough for me.

I decided that, in order to get a feel for what I would write about today, I would read the back cover summary. And I quote:

"Tony Alisio finally had a hit. Stuffed into the trunk of his Rolls on a ragged stretch of Mulholland Drive, the B-movie producer took two bullets to the head - the kind of job wiseguys call 'Trunk Music'..."

This book was published in 1997.

Oh, dear.

I'm a little afraid to crack open the front cover. I feel I'm being unfaithful to Faye.

Or is Faye being unfaithful to me?

Either way, I'm intrigued.

I'm hoping you will be, too.

Surprises - The Good Kind

Let it be known that, control freak that she is, The Baroness is not so big on surprises.

Knowing that someone has been working in the background, with me blithely and fully unaware, is extremely vexing.

Because I would like to think, as a know-it-all, that I, well, know it. All.

And I don't.

This becomes more crystal-clear on an hourly basis.

(*Note to vonB children: There - Mommy's gone public. She does NOT know it all. I repeat - she does NOT know it all. So stop asking so many questions, already. Have you not heard of Wikipedia?)

However.

Sometimes, there are good surprises.

What makes these different from all other surprises? I guess it's the random, out-of-the-blue-ness of it all. For instance, like espying this in a window:

(Remember me? Aidez-moi? I'm still here - waiting for your assistance...)

Or this e-mail to me, from a Valerie Russo, Web Publicist for Hachette Book Group USA:

Hi, Baroness:

I saw your Alice Sebold post and was wondering if you'd lke to do an online giveaway of The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold now that it is in paperback. I have gratis copies of The Almost Moon to offer you for giveaway on your site.

Would you like to host a giveaway of the book?

Well, hellz ya, Miss V! Thank you so much for the pleasant surprise.

Here it is, thrown out to y'all. I have 5 - count 'em - 5 paperback copies of "The Almost Moon" to give away. This is a good thing because:

a) I just finished reading my own copy (which I had to pay for, btw) and found it absolutely fascinating. How Alice Sebold can take the unthinkable and make us want to think about it, I do not know.

Normally at this point, I would then begin the lending out chain (Can my friend have it when I'm done? Can she give it to her friend? Her cousin in Latvia? Her cousin's boyfriend? Girlfriend?
Third-cousin's parole officer?)

b) I love giving stuff, especially stuff like this:

randomly.

Because no one ever wants random stuff like this:

So, let me know if you want a copy for your burgeoning collections, and how Ms. Russo can get it to you in the mail (if the books free to me, I'm not about to pay postage either.)

(To the U.S?)

(What? Am I taking crazy pills?)

(The answer is yes, but that has nothing to do with this).

You can send me your addy's off-line at Baroness von B's Bookworm Hotline:

BaronessvonB@gmail.com

Operator(me) is standing by to take your call.

(Photo credit here)