Friday, February 27, 2009

Lessons from La Liberace, Part I

From the desk of
Baroness von Bloggenschtern,
Kitschmonger, Bon Vivant, & Magpie

I really do not know where exactly to begin.

Like a curator that has stumbled upon the cache of the century, I am still circling around this trove of (questionable quality) photo documentation.

Looking at it in this light, in that light. Trying to figure out how to best position it to supply you with MSP (Maximum Shine Potential).

Let us first begin with the physical location of the museum itself.

From the information on the webpage, it looks pretty - dare I say? - spectacular:

Here's the 411.

This is a photo of the second, newer part of the museum.

Which is across the parking lot from the original building.

The original building? Not so fabulous. It kind of looks like funeral parlour from the outside. Imagine that.

Should you feel a tad parched after panting after all of the treasures housed in these time capsules, please know that there are a couple of options available within the same strip mall (yes, you read this correctly) to wet your whistle.

There is this:
which could be a slight misnomer. I cannot for the life of me even begin to believe that any good times have ever happened within this establishment.

Ironically, the clientèle we did see entering here looked as though gay-bashing would be high on their "Goodtimes" to-do list.

For those with a taste for the exotic, there is this oasis beckoning you:
I did not go in as, alas, I have no taste for the exotic.

And I would have been sorely disappointed if they did not sell: a) magic carpets or b) genie lamps.

Why chase disappointment?

Let me tell you what was not disappointing.

The Liberace Museum Phase I, that's what.

From the moment you hit the door, there were candlelabras and mirrored geegaws as far as the eye could see:

Candlelabra - what a fun word to say!
Say it with me in a silly British accent - Candle-ahhh-brahhh.
Now just the left side of the room.

Mirrored Geegaw #1
Where would be the perfect place to hang this?
Powder Room? Man Cave?
Or maybe.... over the bed...

But wait a minute - if we are to believe what we read here, this is an accurate replication of La Lib's bedroom:

Which begs two questions.

1. Can one be both gay and provincial?

2. Was the second bed for his mother? They were apparently quite close.

Speaking of instruments (?), let's move on to the King of Bling's vast array of pianos.

Yes, just pianos.

Not an organ in the bunch.

We start with the baby Liberace's Baby Baby Grand:
then move to the classical:
(of course I snuck a smell of the bench -
apparently Liberace's ass smells like old wool, lilac and coconuts...)

to the slightly creepy:
(WTH is behind that curtain? I'm afraid)

and work up to one of my favorites:

I have to tell you that this photo barely scratches the surface on the blinding prismatic rainbow surrounding this piece.

I think it might even have magical powers. Like, you place your fingers gingerly on the keys, and when you press down, BeDazzled unicorns leap out from underneath the lid.

So what have we learned thus far?

1. An indulgent spouse is the ultimate partner.
2. Just because you were beloved in life does not mean you won't end up at a strip mall in death.
3. It is just plain awkward having to explain to museum staff why you're sniffing a piano bench.

Coming up Monday - Lessons from La Liberace, Part II - Designing the Dream or Pimpin' the Pompadoured.


♥~♥ Tracey ♥~♥ said...

WOW. That's all I got. WOW.

Oh, and this too: I thought for sure his ass would smell like a mix between roses and lavender. NO?

Cormac Brown said...

He never gets credit (for better or for worse) for inspiring rappers to "bling" things out.

Baroness von B said...

Countess iPost: I think that everyone has a different scent experience. It IS a pretty old bench. (Although I think the lavender might have been L's brother George...)

Count Cormac: L to the Ib to the R-A-C-E: The Original Gangstah.
Fierce, yo.

RiverPoet said...

Oh no you didn't! You sniffed the piano bench??? HAHAHAHAHA!

Liberace was one talented dude, but he always creeped me out. He looked so much like a vampire....

Peace - D

Mental P Mama said...

Sniffed the bench? Maybe you stopped off at Goodtimes before you went to the museum...just sayin'.

Baroness von B said...

Countess D: Oh no. I didn't.

Countess Mama: If you seriously think for a moment that I would actually do this, maybe YOU were in Goodtimes Bar and Grill.

Two words,dearest: Artistic. License.

Two more words: Lilac. Coconut.

Lisa said...

If I don't get to that Liberace museum FAST, I'm gonna have a meltdown. My heart started racing just looking at the pics. Thanks for sharing!! ... babs

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

In fact, I think you inspired me to put on my shiny Cleopatra wig and twinkle the ivories for a little while before I get started on dinner!! .. babs

Baroness von B said...

Countess Babs: You crack me up, lady!

If you do end up donning the wig and tickling the ivories, you should try to take a picture for me.

And maybe you should take some heart medication for Wednesday - it's the Costume post!!!

formerly fun said...

I think bedazzled unicorns should be a part of everyday, no? BTW, in the picture, you look like Kristin Scott Thomas. Hope you had fun with your indulgent partner, Gene and I always drag each other to things we have little or no interest in and as long as we are together we always end up having fun.

Baroness von B said...

Countess Still-Fun-I'm-Sure: Thank you for your lovely compliment. Although I must say that I was a little surprised when I saw KST in "Confessions of a Shopoholic" - She still looked exquisite, albeit a little older. Do I look that old? (The answer is a big wrinkly yes).

It seems that more often that not I'm the kitsch instigator, but the hubster, to his credit, is always game. What a guy.

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