Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thoughtful Thursday

Beware this woman.

No, she is neither a spammer nor a flamer.

Not a troll and definitely not a defamer.

(Nor a joker, or a smoker)

(and I'm not sure if some people call her Maurice)

She is the Earworm Queen.

Her latest facebook trend - which I adore, by the dubs, is to insert snippets of 80's songs into her status.

I end up humming old (obscure) favorites all day.

As I was driving around today, merrily humming The Sweet's "Love is Like Oxygen" (see, she's got you doing it, too...) I wondered what else could inflict such amusement on the ear.

Not quite as insiduous and slurmy as a worm. Something more delicate.

An ear tickler, as it were.

And then I thought of George Carlin.

Now, I have to say, in past years, Mr. Dude had fallen out of my favour. I had watched one of his specials where he clumsily forayed into the (perceived) humour surrounding some questionable behaviour. I'm hardly a prude, and I can't (and don't really want to) remember all the reprehensible details, but to say I was appalled was an understatement of epic proportion.

But then, not too long ago, an e-mail from Very Short List reminded me of the genius I had chosen to ignore.

On that long-ago HBO special I had witnessed the nadir of his stage routine; but this 'hunk' was truly the virtuoso at his finest, doing what he did best - conveying his observational love of language and beating out a rhythm of words worthy of a Buddy Rich drum solo.

Here's a little side dish to enjoy with the turkey and stuffing. Happy Thanksgiving Thursday, my fellow (North) Americans!

Modern Man by George Carlin
"I'm a modern man, a man for the millenium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child in outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin' the wave, dodgin' the bullet and pushin' the envelope. I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-acheiver, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I've got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing - a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant...

...I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I've got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin', jiving and groovin', wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber to the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hangin' in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hangin' tough, over and out!"



5 comments:

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

"Love is like oxygen..you get too much, you get too high, not enough and you're gonna die, (gonna die), love makes you high."

Thanks,Baroness and MEG! I used to have the 45 (remember those?) and wore the grooves out on it. Now I'll be singing that all day long over my turkey and gravy.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Grandma J said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you, Baroness! You know, ever since Blogfest I have so many more beautiful people to be thankful for in my life!

Blogfest '10 is on the horizon!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Happy Thanksgiving Baroness! You light up the room!
<><

Cormac Brown said...

From the family, George Carlin's ghost and me, Happy Thanksgiving!

Mirth said...

I stumbled onto your blog by clicking through another blog, and probably got there the same way. What can I say, the real estate market isn't exactly booming this week. Anyway, I've been reading posts as I've had the time and really like your writing. Also, anyone that can reference the greatest drummer ever to live to describe what has to be the greatest wordsmith ever deserves an award. Thanks for that. I'll be back.

 
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