Suburban family room, Anytown.
Pan over married couple sitting side by side on loveseat, watching the BBC version of "Wife Swap".
Couple is comfortably snuggled against each other, relaxed, joking.
Pan to television - stay here to allow viewers to appreciate scene to follow.
"Wife" 1 of Wife Swap - a single mom - instructs students on the fine art of pole-dancing, works out of her home (replete with poles in the living area), and teaches her children the fine art of self-sufficiency and independance.
Wife 2, from the inner city, is a stay-at-home mom who babies her hubby and adult children and insists that her lot in life is to cater to the men-folk, and she's happy to do so.
Scene 2:
Zoom in on television screen as Wife 2 prepares lunch for her family.
Her rib-sticking creation of Bangers and Mash looks not unlike a World War II sea bomb, something like this:
except with a moat of baked beans floating around the circumference of the mashed potatoes.
Suburban Husband Watching TV: (look of utter revulsion on his face like he's just walked in on Granny bumping nasties with her elderly "gentleman caller")
Oh. My. Gawd. Would you look at that? Who in their right bloody mind would eat something like that?
(sound of silence - clock ticking, dog snoring, crickets chirping)
Baroness? Did you hear what I said? Who would eat that? Would YOU eat that?
Suburban Wife Watching TV: (look of cherubic peace on her face)
In a heartbeat.
Suburban Husband (mouth agape, continued look of "I don't even know you" revulsion)
(End scene)
****
And thus presents the metaphysical illustration of the difference between The Baron and Baroness.
The culinary upbringings.
He: Hearty peasant food, diner-esque entrees, salad at every dinner. Shortribs, stir-fries, pot roast, spagetti & meatballs, ice cream, cookies.
She: Creamy, gloppy goo on a plate/in a bowl; high on beige, low on green. Beans on toast, shephard's pie, irish stew, roast beef & yorkshire pudding, custards, tapioca, rice pudding, lemon snow.
While she has ventured into his territory, he has no interest whatsoever in sharing her rich Celtic heritage.
Her rich, gut-busting, arterial-clogging Celtic heritage.
Whateth uppeth with that?
Scene 2:
Zoom in on television screen as Wife 2 prepares lunch for her family.
Her rib-sticking creation of Bangers and Mash looks not unlike a World War II sea bomb, something like this:
except with a moat of baked beans floating around the circumference of the mashed potatoes.Suburban Husband Watching TV: (look of utter revulsion on his face like he's just walked in on Granny bumping nasties with her elderly "gentleman caller")
Oh. My. Gawd. Would you look at that? Who in their right bloody mind would eat something like that?
(sound of silence - clock ticking, dog snoring, crickets chirping)
Baroness? Did you hear what I said? Who would eat that? Would YOU eat that?
Suburban Wife Watching TV: (look of cherubic peace on her face)
In a heartbeat.
Suburban Husband (mouth agape, continued look of "I don't even know you" revulsion)
(End scene)
****
And thus presents the metaphysical illustration of the difference between The Baron and Baroness.
The culinary upbringings.
He: Hearty peasant food, diner-esque entrees, salad at every dinner. Shortribs, stir-fries, pot roast, spagetti & meatballs, ice cream, cookies.
She: Creamy, gloppy goo on a plate/in a bowl; high on beige, low on green. Beans on toast, shephard's pie, irish stew, roast beef & yorkshire pudding, custards, tapioca, rice pudding, lemon snow.
While she has ventured into his territory, he has no interest whatsoever in sharing her rich Celtic heritage.
Her rich, gut-busting, arterial-clogging Celtic heritage.
Whateth uppeth with that?
