Fit Like?*

In the animal kingdom, the only thing that sets us apart from most beasts is opposable thumbs. Unless you're Chuck Norris or Liberace, and then you're both man and beast. Rawr.

In the von Bloggenschtern kingdom, it is dresses, skirts, liberal doses of pink and an arsenal of discreet Hello Kitty accessories that separates this singular chicky from the rest of the testosterone palace that I helped create.

Imagine my delight then, upon reading today's business section (!)(slow news day, I guess...) that Sanrio Co. will introduce a new tartan collection of Hello Kitty, resplendant in a lovely pink plaid.

This is an exciting intertwining of three things I love very much- Kitty, pink, and thick, itchy Scottish fabric.

I will admit that I wasn't always a fan of the Japanese feline - when the trend first hit in 1974, it was obnoxiously conspicuous, and usually splayed about on stupid, giggly high schoolers with the maturity of 5th-graders.

I do not have, nor have I ever had, time for these silly representatives of the female persuasion. Their tee-hee-hees are like nails on a blackboard, and their antics, to my mind, are an abomination to any foothold that hard-working women have carved out. However.

Over time, I married (a man), popped out Duke #1 (another man)(well, actually he started as an infant), Duke #2 (more dudeness), and then got a penis-festooned dog. I gradually became a minority in my own home.

Anything of mine (and I do mean anything) that was gender-neutral was gone.

Poof. Assumed borrowed and never to be seen again.

This does not sit well with me.

I do not share well.

I am an only child.

Strangely enough, all of the invisible force fields I created around all of my stuff continue to go completely ignored. Anarchy reigns supreme. I really need to find some Jedi Adult Ed courses.

This is incredibly irksome. Rash-worthy, even.

So, what's a gal to do? Go pink, that's what. Go cute, that's what. Go all girly on their asses. Yeah!

No self-respecting bro would be caught dead drinking out of a Hello Kitty glass. Or listening to a Hello Kitty iPod. Or typing on a Hello Kitty laptop.

This has been extremely effective. Thank you, Sanrio.

When I read an article recently about how Kitty was not a mere plaything, but a statement for the political silencing of women throughout the world (she never has a mouth - manufacturing defect or disgruntled factory worker? You decide), it just made me love her and her iconic ways even more.

Now it is me who is giggling like a 5th Grader. I just giggle a little more discreetly, that's all.

Here's tae the heath, the hill and the heather,
The bonnet, the plaid, the kilt and the feather

*Fit Life? - an Aberdeen, Scotland greeting for 'how are you?"