Monday, June 15, 2009

Fit Like?*

In the animal kingdom, the only thing that sets us apart from most beasts is opposable thumbs. Unless you're Chuck Norris or Liberace, and then you're both man and beast. Rawr.

In the von Bloggenschtern kingdom, it is dresses, skirts, liberal doses of pink and an arsenal of discreet Hello Kitty accessories that separates this singular chicky from the rest of the testosterone palace that I helped create.

Imagine my delight then, upon reading today's business section (!)(slow news day, I guess...) that Sanrio Co. will introduce a new tartan collection of Hello Kitty, resplendant in a lovely pink plaid.

This is an exciting intertwining of three things I love very much- Kitty, pink, and thick, itchy Scottish fabric.

I will admit that I wasn't always a fan of the Japanese feline - when the trend first hit in 1974, it was obnoxiously conspicuous, and usually splayed about on stupid, giggly high schoolers with the maturity of 5th-graders.

I do not have, nor have I ever had, time for these silly representatives of the female persuasion. Their tee-hee-hees are like nails on a blackboard, and their antics, to my mind, are an abomination to any foothold that hard-working women have carved out. However.

Over time, I married (a man), popped out Duke #1 (another man)(well, actually he started as an infant), Duke #2 (more dudeness), and then got a penis-festooned dog. I gradually became a minority in my own home.

Anything of mine (and I do mean anything) that was gender-neutral was gone.

Poof. Assumed borrowed and never to be seen again.

This does not sit well with me.

I do not share well.

I am an only child.

Strangely enough, all of the invisible force fields I created around all of my stuff continue to go completely ignored. Anarchy reigns supreme. I really need to find some Jedi Adult Ed courses.

This is incredibly irksome. Rash-worthy, even.

So, what's a gal to do? Go pink, that's what. Go cute, that's what. Go all girly on their asses. Yeah!

No self-respecting bro would be caught dead drinking out of a Hello Kitty glass. Or listening to a Hello Kitty iPod. Or typing on a Hello Kitty laptop.

This has been extremely effective. Thank you, Sanrio.

When I read an article recently about how Kitty was not a mere plaything, but a statement for the political silencing of women throughout the world (she never has a mouth - manufacturing defect or disgruntled factory worker? You decide), it just made me love her and her iconic ways even more.

Now it is me who is giggling like a 5th Grader. I just giggle a little more discreetly, that's all.

Here's tae the heath, the hill and the heather,
The bonnet, the plaid, the kilt and the feather

*Fit Life? - an Aberdeen, Scotland greeting for 'how are you?"


The Vegetable Assassin said...

I have to admit a love for cute Japanese figures and trinkets, and Hello Kitty is just SO DAMN CUTE. I've tried to resist the craze but I can't help admiring her adorability.

Plus who could resist a Scottish tartan kitty? I'll ignore the mounds of "itchy" kiltish fabric I grew up wearing on traditional days, because she looks so adorable in pink tartan.

Incidentally I spent most summer holidays in Aberdeen, playing on the beach. Awesome beach with giant North Sea waves. Good times.

You kind of make me want to go home for a summer visit! :) I haven't been in two years! Yikes.

Mental P Mama said...

A pink kilt?!?!?! I want one. And testosterone place is very funny. And sad all at the same time;)

thecheekofgod said...

I once visited a strip club as research for a novel chapter I was working on for a creative writing class.


We were working on a collaborative novel about the world's oldest profession, and one of the characters in my chapter had a background in the clubs, so I figured I'd better get a clue. I sat at my table, drank my Sex on the Beach, paid the dancer on the stage several bucks more than the other dudes, and then picked her brain when she joined me for a drink. It was a fascinating conversation . . .

I am also the father of two daughters who love Hello Kitty. So imagine the horror when I saw a different dancer saunter out with Hello Kitty on her panties.

I never thought of Hello Kitty the same way again!

Great post, and thanks for the memories . . .

formerly fun said...

See, I related the kind of the same thing in a recent post, you can be uber-feminine, love the pink, even Hello Kitty and still be a unapologetic feminist. Rock that pink plaid kitty Baroness.

pattycakes said...

what about a pink caddy....I can just see it. It would have to be a convertable to boot...

Leah Marie said...

While hello kitty is certainly not my thing AT ALL,
I must say that bringing in the plaid is quite soothing.
Anything with plaid is good in my books!

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh my. As the lone female in a household of men, including three penis festooned pets, I completely relate to this post. Particularly the part about not respecting the Mom forecefield around her stuff. I'm not really a pink person, but I have found floral patterns to be equally effective in repelling the males in my household.

♥~♥ Nine Acres ♥~♥ said...

Can't say that I share the appreciation for Hello Kitty, but do admit you are a genius with the sharing thing. Well, done my friend, well done.

Cormac Brown said...

I suspect Hello Kitty doesn't have a visible mouth, but actually has a mouth similar to a lamphrey. Uh, maybe I need to get some sleep.

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