Showing posts with label Matthew Gray Gubler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matthew Gray Gubler. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2010

Freaks and Geeks

There are two things running througn my head this morning:

1. I can't remember #1, right now (we'll get back to it)(maybe), and
2. My love/ hate relationship with technology is swinging to the hate.

Let me explain.

In younger days, when I was in the thick of the scientific community, I was just like every other lab nerd - I oohed and ahhed over every new gizmo and doodad that cropped up. (and if it came with a free lunch and demo from the sales rep - so much the better. We'll take two).

But even then I knew.

I understood that with every amazing feature in the 'plus' column on the spec sheet, there would be a down side. A side not really talked about, a side that could potentially be used for dire purposes rather than the beneficial.

Because, technology - by and large - is a double-edged sword.

I think that, lately, the thing that is messing everyone up (OK, messing ME up, specifically) is the Internet.

True, it can be a glorious thing. It can make connections possible where they could never have possibly existed before. Case in point - the extraordinary group of women I met through our interconnected sites, and ultimately met up with in real life at last summer's Virginia BlogFest.
And all the other readers I've blended (blog +friend = blend) with since I started. Like Babs. And Cormac. Vegetable Assassin. And the 'Initials': BA, FF, NATUI. Even newer ones, like Ti . It has been nothing but pleasure getting to know them.

If luck is the intersection when timing and opportunity meet, then I would have to say that all these blogospheric collisions were very opportunistic, indeed.

But then there's the downside.

My case in point here? MySpace. Ack.

I joined this group for one purpose - to send a note of appreciation directly to someone's e-mail. That's it. (Of course, it would have been lovely if it was acknowledged, but really - who am I kidding? It should be enough that it was jettisoned out into the ether for its original intention)(Note the 'should be' here; I am completely irked by bad manners)(And you, bad-mannered one? You know who you are).

Needless to say, I should have got in, got it done, and got out.

But I didn't. I stayed. Lazy? Probably. Delusional? Absolutely.

What I ended up with is a slew of creepy oddballs, sending me declarations of love and passion and claiming that I was their soul mate, charting our future together like some possessed tarot card reader.

It didn't really matter that I had said, in as many ways possible, that I was married. I was HAPPILY married. I had been HAPPILY MARRIED for a LONG TIME. At one point, I was thinking of changing my name to I AM F*CKING MARRIED. After a short reflection on that, I realized that the only thing that would be noticed and flagged was the F*CKING, and I would end up with more men looking for a woman who bold enough to claim herself an adultress. Gah.

People are idiots.

I spent more time than I should have being polite. The first few 'friends' were the lucky ones. I answered back that I was in no way interested in pursuing ANYTHING, and wished them well on their pursuit of happiness.

The next batch got a message that crapped all over them for not reading anything, but merely looking at a picture and believing that destiny had waved its magic wand.

I even went so far as to change my profile picture to this:

Things did start to slow down - but not by much. I guess there are a lot of lonely men out there, looking for love with horse-faced dowagers. Maybe it' the challenge of getting through all those layers. I don't know.

They were ridiculous.

The whole exercise was ridiculous.

And oh, yeah - now I remember my Item 1 from the top of the post:

I'm ridiculous.

*******************************

Tune in next Monday for the beginning of a Baroness mini-series: My City Mondays. It will be a little glimpse into the who, what, where and possible why (but more likely why not?) of the 2010 Winter Olympics.

That happen to be - oh yeah - in my city.


Friday, January 8, 2010

Fleet Farm! Friday

Little-known Baroness fact: I wish I could be a sleuth. Full-time.

Choice of novel?

Cornwell, Grafton, Parker, some Evanovich for levity.

Choice of TV?

CSI (original only)

(Miami? Bitch, please.).

And, naturellement, my newest obsession - Criminal Minds. Gotta love me some nerd.

So, can you possibly imagine the excitement bouncing around in my little ribcage when I went to Fleet Farm and saw that they could make my dreams of crime fighting come true*?

Yuh-huh. I know!

Fleet Farm.

Can. You.

Freaking.

Imagine. It???

Those fine folks? They sell...come a little closer to the screen....

closer
.....

closer
....

I have to whisper.
....


SPY EQUIPMENT!!!!!!

Unbelievable.

Yet so gloriously true.

So, say I'm hired by a huge beverage conglomerate to go to Tahiti to find out the secret ingredient in Goji Juice. I first ingratiate myself near the hut where two very important tribal leaders will be meeting to quaff and quibble and get down to the boola boola nitty gritty, I don my disguise, and voila....

photo source here

Can you see me?
What if I tell you that I'm not a plus-size Polynesian woman?
What if I tell you I don't even know how to weave?
Can you see me now?

The answer is no, you cannot.

Scenario two. Suppose I have been commissioned by some slightly shifty gossip e-zine to spy on Mark Burnett to find out where the next 'Survivor' will be taking place. This highly classified information will prove very lucrative (alright, already - I haven't completely thought this particular scenario through - just roll with me here, people).

Anyways, if Burnett is staying here:

photo source here
I can be there too.

Spot me yet?

I thought not.

Because Fleet Farm is magic, that's why.

Magic. And brilliant.

Because they sell something akin to Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility.

It's called a blind.

Clever, non?

This is not Tahiti.
Nor a hut in the middle of the ocean.
It's me, goose.
Did I just blow your mind or what?


Well, technically, it's called a 'Duck Blind'.

But I'm sure that's just a typo - they've clearly missed some punctuation.

It should read "Duck! Blind."

Irregardless, it is one fine tool for corporate espionage. (Ok,, the smell gives me bad henna flashbacks and it's a bitch to pack in the suitcase, but that's the price one must pay for greatness...)

Fleet Farm!!



*My original dream of crime-fighting, i.e. wanting to be a cast member of 'Criminal Minds', does not appear to be coming true any time in the near future, as I continue waiting - in vain, may I add - for a reply e-mail from one Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler.

Sigh. Pout.

Anyone affiliated with CBS who could get this blogger a spot on CM (ANYTHING), please e-mail me at baronessvonb@gmail.com.

I am tired of waiting for The Gube.
 
Blog Designed by Rita of CoffeeShop