Sunday, March 23, 2008

How About That?

Bonjour, dear readers! Happy Bunny Day to those who embrace the egg and all its symbolism, and to those who don't - Happy Sunday to you.

I apologize for not getting this post up yesterday - as usual, time just slipped away. On to the days ahead:

Sunday, March 23rd
Aside from the obvious - which involves the comestibles of hard-boiled eggs, chocolate, turkey or ham - were you aware that today is also National Chip & Dip Day? I've always felt the whole chip dip thing to be a little on the dubious side; this could have something to do with a flashback to the Baroness and some funky onion and chive concoction. Horrific. I shudder. And reflux a little.

Today you may also think to yourself, "Self, I'm heaving a huge sigh of relief, yet I do not know why." Let the Baroness illuminate. Because today is Near Miss Day. This day, in 1989, an asteroid came within a cosmic hair's breadth (that's 500,000 miles to us earth dwellers) of hitting us.

Need I connect the dots for you as to how to spend the evening? Ruffles. Sour Cream & Onion. Armageddon. Deep Impact*. Underground lair. Zoloft.

*Please note here that I am fully aware that this movie is about a comet, and not an asteroid. But they're similar, no? Except for the shape. And temperature. And maybe composition.

Monday, March 24th
There is, and always has been, a certain amount of tension in the von Bloggenschtern compound. For the Baron and I share very opposite yet definite opinions about the very thing that is celebrated today. I had to think long and hard as to whether or not to even acknowledge this day; to do so would be a win for the Baron (and we're so competitive - do I really want to do this?). But I must. For, dear readers, you might side with the Baron here, and your voice should be heard, loud and proud. Today, for you and your ilk out there (who may have allergies to the far-superior chocolate-covered peanut, or just questionable taste) it is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day. Enjoy your shallow victory, Baron.

For the man who, while waiting at a stop light, opened his driver's door and spit onto the street, please be aware that today is also the UN's World Tuberculosis Day. And while I don't know for a fact that horking out clams onto the pavement is the starting point for this awful disease, I can't help but think that it isn't particularly sound practice in isolating germs. And it's beyond disgusting, and, and well - pandemical. Use a kleenex, for goodness sake. Then burn it. Am I asking too much?

On a less-phlegmatic note, it's also National Family Day. Take a moment to think of something positive about each member of your family. This in and of itself could possibly take all day.

By then, grateful yet exhausted, you'll need:

Tuesday, March 25th
National Sleep Day. Altogether, everyone: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Warm wishes for a wonderful upcoming week.

Posturepedically Yours,
The Baroness XO




10 comments:

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I've always understood that the last week in March is National Orgasm Week. Perfect, as my bday falls within the week. Now THAT is something to celebrate! LOL

pistols at dawn said...

Everyday for me is national chip n' dip day.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess NATUI: Wow! Talk about some pressure for the hubster as to what to get you for your birthday! Good luck with that. And no, we don't need to see pictures. Some things are better left private.

Count Pistols: You, sir, lead a very charmed life.

Asthmagirl said...

Baroness, I am in agreement with you on the clam spitting. I cannot help but notice that the practitioners of that trend appear to be of the male persuasion... and remarkably unapologetic. I wonder if there a national tissue distribution club that would follow these gents around so they wouldn't leave their specimens lying around?
Hygienically yours....

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess AG: While I am totally on board with your Tissue Collection proposal IN THEORY, I do believe it will be hard to entice club membersto join. And frankly, would you want to be part of this club? I personally would need a hazmat suit, and a very long stick. Maybe they don't even make sticks long enough for that...

Stacy said...

so sorry baron but i did NOT celebrate national chocolate covered raisin day... not appealing...at all.

but...kev and i made up for it by taking an extra long nap this morning!

baron - 0
baroness - 1

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Stacy: A nap in the morning - revolutionary - and I'm LOVING it!!

As for the latest score - WOOT for the Baroness! (seriously, those raisin things look like goat poop)

Lisa said...

I'm a HUGE fan of dip .. any kind of dip .. and would gladly eat dip for dinner instead of most things people eat for dinner.

Speaking of horking, I actually had a moment verging on a "citizen's array-est" type encounter the other day at CVS. A man parked next to me and was walking into the store at the same time ... no biggie, except in a span of about 30 seconds, he spat 4plegm balls into the parking lot -- each time about 10 feet from me. The last one was a quickie before entering the store .. like he just might not make it without one last exorcism. That was it -- before I could stop myself I blurted out "That is SOOO disgusting! Why don't you keep you noises and your spit to yourself." He just looked at me and sheepishly and said he was sorry.

I didn't feel bad. Still don't. .... Barbra Peapod

(BTW, I wonder when I grew these balls?)

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Babs: Good for you! I'm glad you said something with your brand new cajones. (These may have appeared as a side-effect of mixing cleansing agents - the very reason why I don't subscribe to Spring Cleaning.)

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