Friday, May 23, 2008

Of Shape and Forms

The truth of the matter is, I hate forms. And sometimes, said disdain and my bottomless supply of sass catches up with me.

In the last little while, I have had to fill out more than my fair share of redundant paperwork, and it tends to leave me a little bit on the cranky side. And when the Baroness gets cranky, rest assured that something's got to give.

When I had to fill out forms for my cancer surgery, at the end of all the usual medical history rigamarole (which asked both if I had bridgework in my mouth or could I be pregnant - an interesting combination perhaps only seen during last call in some finer Boise Idaho drinking establishments), there was a question that just begged for a sassy answer.

The question: "Is there anything else that we should know about you?"

My answer: "I like fuzzy kittens, rainbows, walks in the rain, I'm a Scorpio (but don't hold it against me), and I aspire to be Canada's answer to Imelda Marcos (shoes only!)".

Not only did I feel better for being sassy, I felt like somehow, in my small little way, I was giving the pointer finger to The Man (kind of like the middle finger, but more gracious with better spelling...). I also used it as a kind of sick litmus test, to see if anyone actually went to the trouble of reading all the way to the end of the form. And if they did, were they simply skimming or were they actually paying attention?

Imagine my surprise when, splayed on an operating table, Dean Martin crooning in the background - just about to have the sleepy-time gas administered - my surgeon leaned over to me, eyes looking very serious over his surgical mask, only to say,

"Fuzzy kittens, huh?"

Need I say it? I love him.

Today, I got caught again. I had filled out these forms in a bit of a hurry, and I do recall that no where near enough caffeine was involved in the informative process .

So imagine my surprise, yet again, when meeting my new doctor for the first time, he shakes my hand in introduction, but does not let go. Instead, he leads me into his office of nurses.

"Ladies", he says, "I am not sure if you are all aware, but Mrs. von Bloggenschtern here is the first Domestic Goddess I have ever had the pleasure of having for a patient".

Somedays, I just love my life.


Momma said...

B von B - Cancer surgery?? I mean, I read the whole post, but that is resounding in my head. I sincerely hope you're okay...

Peace - D

lissa said...

me too. same concerns. hope you're okay. love your funny spirit.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countesses Momma & Lissa: No worries, darlings, I am fine - I was dx w/colon cancer 2 years ago, had surgery and chemo treatments and have been cancer free for 1.5 years and counting. I did gloss over it in one of my 70 facts, but that was a while ago.

Thank you, lovely ladies, for your concern - I'm just great!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Yet another reason I love you! The fact that you not only THOUGHT these things but actually wrote them on the forms makes you one of my heroes. I do believe the next time I have to answer such a question, I will not be leaving it blank. LOL

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess NATUI: Yep, I admit it - I am a medical form rebel. My feeling is this - these people see so much heavy stuff every day, why not be silly in the stuff that doesn't really matter? If they get pissed (and no one has to date), their problem, not mine.

Becky said...

I love it! I am going to try it sometime!

And if I lived closer, we could go shoe shopping!

Glad to hear you are okay and that your indomindable spirit lives on despite the scary medical stuff.

The Maid

Writeprocrastinator said...

Ah, that's sweet!

b said...

Countess Becky: I urge you - do it! And then pick up my best seller, "Anything You've Always Wanted to Write on a form But Have Been Afraid To". Oh, wait. I haven't written that yet (too afraid...)

Count WP: If you think for one moment that the fuzzy kittens thing was genuine, then you are sadly mistaken. But it makes great copy. ;)

Writeprocrastinator said...

But Baroness, certainly fuzzy kittens love you.

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