Friday, October 31, 2008

What Not To Wear

I know this may shock you, but there is dissension in the party line at the vonBloggenschtern compound.

And it all has to do with...

...dressing up the dog.

With the significance of the day today, and the interweb rife with possibilities, the battle has reached a fever pitch.

Never having had the live little dolly to dress up (the boys are all so-o-o-o beyond listening and completely, rudely, ignore the GQ and Men's Vogue magazines I leave strewn about...), I turned my attention to the pug.

My mad fashion stylist skillz was not appreciated. By neither man nor beast.

You see, with pugs, their tail is their happy barometer. If it's curly and up:

Happy chappy.

If it's at half mast:
A little uncertain. A little guilty.

Like when Mommy finds the pile of white fluff that used to be a roll of toilet paper.

And if their tail is completely tucked?

Then they're just dog trannys getting ready to hit the bar (their lack of opposable thumbs makes the double-sided tape thing a mite tricky...).

Tucking also indicates they're unhappy/pissed. Which is how the barometer needle swings when Zeus vonB is subjected to costuming.

Sh*t.

So, in the daylight hours before All Hallows Eve, I can only admire what might have been, and I share with you, so you can commiserate along with me...

What Not To Wear #1 - The Pug-ligator
Oooh, so fierce! Able to gobble up screaming little monsters in one big chomp! Just look at that murderous gaze...

(or maybe he just wet himself).

What Not To Wear #2 - Wicked, It Is
Not only am I digging the little green dangly hands, it's nice to see that this is an anatomically correct Jedi Knight costume. Hel-lo, light sabre!

And finally,

What Not To Wear #3 - Darth Pug-dar
Be afraid- very, very afraid - I have many buttons, gizmos and doo-dads festooned upon my sunken asthmatic chest. Wheeze...

And Queen Amidalah? Yeah, I tapped that bitch...


Happy Halloween, everyone! Be safe.

15 comments:

Leah Erridge said...

I don't think I even know what to say.
Amazing....
HAHHAA.

Mental P Mama said...

I am a big fan of the dangly green hands. I need to get that one.

Duck said...

Oh the Yoda one is fantastic. Bark, bark.

Wait. You can't really do Yoda speak when it's just one word.

Countess YY said...

oh pooh...., I tried to copy and paste an email I received which had many pictures of why dogs hate halloween. I emailed it the Baroness maybe she, being way more techno savy then me will be able to figure out how to get it on her page. It is a wonder they (our 4 legged friends) love us so unconditionally.

Baroness von B said...

Countess Schmee: For me to have rendered you speechless is an awesome thing. Yay me!

Countess MPM: I'm not even going to ask if you have a dog or if you just want the green dangly hands.

Countess Duck: Howling I am at your bark bark bark.

Countess of Yick Yack: I did get your e-mail; I had just narrowed down the pictures to pugs only. Because I have a pug. And they were pug costumes. There's kind of a theme. If I ever get a Weimereiner, rest assured I will post the picture of the spandex jumpsuit.

Cormac Brown said...

Thank you for cheering me up!...even though it was at the expense of the dogs.

Baroness von B said...

Count Cormac: Vat are you talkeeng about, dahlink? Zeus LIVES to entertain.

Well, he LIVES to eat, but entertaining runs a close second.

(His agent says he has to lose a few pounds...)

RiverPoet said...

CUTE! In fact, the only thing cuter than a pug in a costume is a bulldog in a costume, but I may be biased...

Hope you had a wonderful Halloween...
Peace - D

A Spot of T said...

First post I'm reading of the day and lordy lordy there are no words LOL I love pugs, there is something about them that makes my heart go pitter patter. Maybe it's the buggy eyes, maybe it's the flat nose, it could even possibly be that curly little tail. But a pug dressed up for Halloween?? Even a no-curl slightly ticked off pug? Be still my beating heart!!

Lisa said...

I'm totally digging the pugligator. That's some funny stuff! ....babs

(I can't wait to get caught up on all my reading ... am about 3 weeks behind. oy!)

Lisa said...

I'm totally digging the pugligator. That's some funny stuff! ....babs

(I can't wait to get caught up on all my reading ... am about 3 weeks behind. oy!)

Formerly Fun said...

If I showed hubs the Darth Vador pug, he might concede and let me get a dog.

Baroness von B said...

Countess D: Oh, please, please, please - let's not get into a breed feud. Next thing you know Asthma Girl will be all up in my face about not representing Chihuahuas...

I will go on the record as agreeing
that every breed is beautiful to its owner. Let Peace Reign.

Countess of Tea: He makes my heart go pitty-pat, too. Usually when I come home and his tail's at half-mast, and I rush around the house to see what havoc he's caused...

Countess Babs: Honey! You're back!! Me so happy.

Countess SurelyStillFun: USE. THE. FORCE.

Cormac Brown said...

BTW, The Kid loves Zeus's pics and he wants more.

Baroness von B said...

Count Cormac: Don't tell the b-o-y but other than the curly tail pictures, these aren't actually Zeus pictures. Although they are a reasonable facsimile. Have I really run out of things to say so that I have to blog in the voice of a pug?

Maybe I'll just start Zeus a blog of his own. There's a thought.

 
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