Monday, September 14, 2009

Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

One of my dear bloggy friends, the fantastic noir writer Cormac Brown, made me aware of a fun little exercise he and his fellow writers engage in called "Friday Flash Fiction". The rules, such as they are, are quite simple - take the given starter sentence and cobble some sort of prose out of it. The opening phrase for this week was 'inspired' by my Wednesday post, and was cleverly altered to 'Stop Me Before I Date Again".

Friday Flash Fiction linky is here.



She once again sat, alone, slump-shouldered, on the edge of the table; with shame thick in her throat, she heaved out a garbled sigh to no one, "Stop me before I date again".

Mama always said, "The more things change, the more they stay the same". Hmph.

Truer words, Mama. Truer words.

For here she was, back in the same room.

Wearing the same crinkly blue gown.

Waiting, impatiently, like she had the last four times.

In a few moments, his hand would urgently be on the door knob, and her heart would start its usual silly girlish flutter.

In he would strut, all official-like in his white jacket and so full of himself - the fetus with a medical degree.

The same manchild, who would once again look at that same, decrepit hoo-hoo of hers and sniff a dismissive, "It's the same as last time, Mrs. Fotty, you naughty young lady. I'll call in another prescription."

Another day, another STD.

Another botched attempt at finding love in Ottewell Retirement Villa.

Dear Lord, stop me from dating again.


Daryl said...

Funny stuff ... 'hoo-hoo' made me laugh, I dont think I have ever heard a vjj called a hoo-hoo

baronessvonb said...

Countess D: I try, whenever possible, to use as many vagina colloquialisms as I can. And that, my dear, is the hole truth!

Mental P Mama said...

Lord. Have. Mercy.

My word? myloo

Anonymous said...

"the fetus with a medical degree"

That was gorgeous. The whole thing, really. Loved the ending . . .

I need to write more flash fiction.

Cormac Brown said...

This is a serious riot and I got a couple of glares at work when I went into a laughing fit!

Doc said...

It sounds like the old lady in your story needs to meet the old man in mine!

When I read "crinkly blue gown" I thought of a cocktail dress or a ball gown, not a backless paper, hospital gown. That made me think that the "the fetus with a medical degree" was her lover at first.

I can't descibe my mental whiplash at the end when I realized that this old broad is seeing the doctor about the clap.

My hat is off to you! I laughed long and hard!


baronessvonb said...

Countess Mama: Myloo? Funny. Rhymes with hoo-hoo. Coincidence? I think not.

Count Cheeky: Please do write more FFF!

As for the fetus statement, I have now taken to referring anything being with no wrinkles fetal; they're such light-years younger looking than me, how could it be otherwise?

Count Cormac: I am thrilled to have made you, even briefly, the office pariah. My work here is done.

Count Docteur: Hah! Sucked you in, did I? Nothing says funny like seniors bumping naughty bits, in my estimation.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Ha! I confess that I had inadvertently seen "STD" down there before I started reading, so I knew it was going there; it was her catching it in a retirement home that got me! Most wonderful to make your blogreading acquaintance by way of FFF, BvB.

baronessvonb said...

Countess B,MD: Welcome! Nice to hear that you might be an impatient reader like me - let's just cut to the chase, already!

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