Friday, March 5, 2010

Freak-ish Friday

I will keep this brief today - other than to give a big shout-out to Ashley - who is exercising her God-given (and government-given) right to free speech, and whom has felt the urge in the comments section of this post to remind me of my failings as a Christian.


While some people may turn away in shock and dismay from comments like this, I instead embrace them with all the pagan love I can muster in my wizened little heart. Lord, help me.

And Ashley? Even though I may be too simple to understand such a completely random comment - a comment that appears to me to be so thoroughly unrelated to the matter at hand; even though I am perhaps slightly, simple-mindedly sceptical that you sharing your beliefs in this particular venue is the most effective way for you to spread your gospel, I'll give you all the attention you feel you so justly deserve.

Just come out from behind the Holy Bible in your profile picture, dear, pull up that soap box, and fire away. Let your message be heard, loud and proud. You obviously have a burning desire to say something.

May the power of Christ compel you.

And may you feel as enfolding when comes the day that someone hijacks your blog to air their religious beliefs.

As for me? I'm off to atone and beg forgiveness.

Right after I have my last romp with a donkey, whilst simultaneously (& greedily) drinking tequila straight from the bottle, eating 13 bacon cheeseburgers, and cursing like a gay sailor.

Have a righteous weekend, everyone!


Sandi said...

OK--what did I miss.?

And Baroness, aren't you Jewish?

I have a co-worker whose father was a Rabbi and mother is Israeli. He once asked me why Christians are constantly trying to convert people?

I had no answer for him.

And here's a Sandism for you:

Anyone who where's their religion on their sleeve like a badge of honor will get caught receiving a blow job from a transvestite hooker.

baronessvonb said...

Countess Sandi: Nothing to see here, keep it moving...

I guess that the comment came on the wrong day to be sticking one's heavenly finger in my face. For all the good things I do, I don't need some crackpot who doesn't know the first thing about be condemning me to a doomed afterlife. I can make those arrangements all on my own, thankyouverymuch.

Love your 'Sandi-ism'; could it also mention glory holes and roadside 'rest'stops? :)

baronessvonb said...

about ME. First thing about ME.

Gah. Need more Satanic coffee.

Patois said...

Wait. You mean I can eat bacon?

I love this post. I particularly love your ending.

Bloglines be very good to me today.

Patois said...

Oh, and hey, fix the link to the Tuesday post 'cause tis broken, just like your covenant. I mean, when you're done doing the donkey.

Anonymous said...

How the hell did I miss Ashley's whingeing-on-your-wall?

Ah, the difference between Religion and Faith. Ne'er the two shall meet.

I love the opening line- "you are a sinner". She coulda stopped there, and it might have been funny. The sheep-like spouting of the KJV (or is it KGB) and the little bullet point list make me think little Missy has been recently lobotomized. Sad when these surgeries lead to mindless repetition of other people's poor translation of words ascribed to a former Christian-killer.

Read that out loud, seven times fast. Or I will crawl inside yer brain and say this: the prophet Yeshayhu declared that Yahweh created good and evil. Yup.

So, Sinner-Chick, (like Synergy, only in black leather) Ashley must have meant to say that she is jealous of your writing.

'Cause, damn.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Baroness, do you have a webcam set up in my house? Ah, well, in any case pass the limes and the salt-rimmed glasses, and don't mind the donkey poop.

baronessvonb said...

Countess P: When I'm done doing the donkey? Oh, no, no - you've got it backwards. (That's what she said)

I have hopefully begun steps to repair the broken. But some things may take longer than other. Especially with the fire of hell lapping at my ankles - so distracting.

Countess Ti: What you said. Can I get a witness?

Countess CBW: Oh, lady. You make me cackle. I did not install a webcam - you have a rogue moth to thank for that. (did I ever mention I speak to animals?)(I would tell you it was a God-given talent, but apparently not...)

Ɯbermilf said...

Sadly, I can't see the original comment. No matter.

I'm more interested in hearing a gay sailor cursing.

baronessvonb said...

Countess U: Like Patois said, the link is broken, not unlike my covenant. I'm having a hard time finding a smith to fix it...

As for the sailor bit - think the lexicon of Captain Haddock from TinTin, with the squint of DeNiro in Cape Fear, and the abject terror-mongering of Captain Carl in PeeWee's Playhouse. Yo, ho!

Diane said...

Anytime you start with the donkeys, bacon and gay sailors, I would like 3 hours notice so I can hit the "5" and be there in time for the festivities. I'll bring the snakes and cotton balls.

Cormac Brown said...

Wait...I thought we were worshipping Zeus.

He's going to be one disappointed doggie, and you know what "doggie" spelled backwards is.

Wait, that's not it either...

Sandi said...

Hey Baronness, I checked out Ashley's blog because I am a masochist and it appears that she goes around dive-bombing people's blogs with this kind of stuff.

Can we say "get a life" (this from the person who went and checked out her blog).

baronessvonb said...

Countess AG: Egads, woman. Snakes AND cottonballs? Now that is kinky.

Count Cormac: Oh, we still worship Zeus - it's in our book of dieties, also know as The King Bill's Version of 'The Dylexic's Contract'.

Countess Sandi: If you ever decide to go into some forensic field, let me be the first one to write you a letter of recommendation.

And I think you have an amazing life - what on earth would ever make me suggest to you to get another? That's just more laundry, yo.

Anonymous said...


I also had to snurk around Ashley's blaaggh to see from whence the madness originated-ed.

Holy Crap.

Yep, that's what I said. On every count.

Blog Designed by Rita of CoffeeShop