Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Torn from the Headlines Tuesday

So the Great Winter LoveFest of 2010 is now over, and thanks to the exceptional efforts of many - which made the last couple of weeks (and the week to come) an affair to remember - the love letters are still flowing in, fast and furious.

You like us.

You really, really like us.

Mostly.

From one of this morning's Vancouver papers:

"In case you don't read The Los Angeles Times, here's what esteemed sports columnist Bill Plaschke wrote on Sunday: 'Canada, you were gold. For two weeks, you lived your anthem, your hearts glowing like that moon that hung nightly over Burrard Inlet, a light on the front porch of a house that felt like a home.' "

Well, didn't that just get me a little misty-eyed?

Everyone, bar none, likes to be complimented on their choice of homey porch lighting.

And then I read a little further...

"In a related story, a British journalist complained that the stupid moon kept him up at night."

Oh, that stupid farking moon.

Add it to your litany of complaints. Another glaring oversight on our part.

So very, very sorry. Whatever could we have been thinking?

And yet again, I have gone from the thrill of successfully completing my hostess-y duties to the despair of actually having a moon in our Canadian solar system.

British newspaper dudes (especially you from The Times) - who the hell pissed in your pigs-in-a-blanket? For the most part, each and every day, you have behaved like petulant children. Stamping of feet, literary tantruming.

Dissing planets.

No one or no thing is beyond attack.

Now here, instinctually, I would love to tell you how relieved I am that you can all screw off and go back home. Back to the comfort of your climate (which is EXACTLY the f*cking same as ours), back to your overcrowded, polluted London and your pithy news posts.

And back to your g.d. moon.

Which apparently is of a smaller, more aesthetic wattage than ours.

I would love to tell you that I sincerely - in my glowing heart of glowing hearts - hope that there is some country who will take equal delight in crapping all over your 2012 Games.

But I won't.

Because, according to the rest of the free world, I'm a good hostess.

And I'm polite.

(Wanker.)

7 comments:

foolery said...

GO GET 'EM, BARONESS! MOON HIM! : )

formerly fun said...

Yes, and your air there is too oxygeny. Fix it will ya?

baronessvonb said...

Countess Foolery: Oh, ho, ho, no.

That would definitely TOO bright - girlfriend needs a tanning vaycay.

Countess FF: Too much 'O' in the O2?
You know who's responsible for that - and it's NOT me!

I hate being a scapegoat.

Grandma J said...

I loved the Vancouver Olympics! You Canadians sure do know how to impress the world! Can you do it again next time? and the one after that?

baronessvonb said...

Countess GJ: I would LOVE to host the next and the next and the next, ad nausuem for all eternity. If only it didn't cost so darn much.

Even with returning the empties, we surprisingly don't break even!

Ashley said...

1. You Are A Sinner.
"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

2. There Is A Price On Sin.
"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

"And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death." Revelation 20:14

3. Jesus Died To Pay For Your Sins.
"But God commendeth His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

4. Salvation Is Not Of Our Works. It Is Through Jesus Christ.
"But to him that worketh not, but believeth on Him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness." Romans 4:5

5. God Wants To Save You If You Will Just Put Your Trust In Him.
"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." Romans 10:13

baronessvonb said...

Ashley: Thanks for the heads up. I would never have guessed I was a sinner if not for your comment.

 
Blog Designed by Rita of CoffeeShop