Wanderlust Wednesday

Whenever the Baron and I are en vacance, we usually try to blend in as much as possible with the locals.

Because nothing is more tragic or stereotypical than the slack-jawed tourista.

Unless, of course, you want to play that role.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

It's just not my scene.

The backwoods wonderment is never any more evident than when one is taking pictures.

Which is why, without exception, the Baron and I try to have at least one photoessay per trip of pictures of people taking pictures.

And there are some lulus.

Take this series.

I like to call it, "Hawaii 5-Oh: Why, Ki Ki?"

Photo 1

"Let us partake to the sandy area in our black socks and sneakers, and purvey the vista for the best shot. The water? The sailboats? I'll stay here - you walk a little further down to seek inspiration, and I'll admire the jaunty buttless wonder that is you."

Photo 2

"That's it. Shake what your mama gave you."
"Look over your shoulder at me.."

"Make me buy what you're sellin'..."

"You're still in the running to becoming America's Next Top Model..."

Photo 3

"An-n-n-nd now you're back."

"Your what? Your motivation? Hoo boy."

"You're King Kamehaha, baby."

"."You're so owning this beach- you discovered it, you're claiming it."

"Every grain of sand - it's yours. Any woman lying here? She's yours."

"You. Are. Raw. Sinewy. Power."

"Uh, could you move your left leg just a litt-t-t-tle more to the side?

The glare off of it is messing up my shot."

Photo 4

"Oh, yeah. That's it. Smile."

"Smile some more."
"More teeth, less thigh."

"Perfect!"

And...I'm spent.

Lessons from the Louvre - Part II

Well, technically, it's Lessons from both The Louvre and the Musee de L'Orangerie, which is so near and yet so far.

To put things into perspective, after you've schlubbed through The Louvre for about 3 hours, head to the nearest exit and get some fresh air in Les Jardins des Tuileries. Walk through said "park" for seemingly another 2 hours to get to the other museum.

Those French, they love a good optical illusion.

"Really, honey, look here on the map - it's only at the end of this park"

Uh huh. The end of the park. Which is the size of Central Park. If you don't put that map away in the next 10 seconds. Gawd. Quit with the map, already!!

Oh, who's kidding who? It's the size of frickin' Manhattan.

Engaging death stare NOW, Mr. Sulu.

It was worth the walk, as you will see - The Baroness (well, her feet, at least) suffered for your art.

Appreciate it.

Or else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, where were we? Ah, yes, in the rooms with the things and the guy at the place.

Let us carry on. And remember, click on the pictures is to be drawn into a magical world where artist becomes one with canvas, blah, blah, blah:

10. I SPECIFICALLY said only 4. Morons!

I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be the one to do the narrowing down. They all look kind of dashing, don't cha think?

Especially Dude in the middle. So special, he doesn't even need a hat.

The other hatless guy? Just stupid. Look at that vacant stare. He's not even looking at the camera.

11. I Bought it on eBay

Historical proof that garage sales have been around since time immortal.

I don't usually buy into the whole time-space continuum thing, but I have to ask myself - how did the artist know what was in my secret hiding place under the stairs? Freaky.

12. See this line here? I call it the "RuPaul/Elton John". Very long!

I personally think the feather is just a little over the top.

Just sayin'.

13. I Swear to God, if He asks for "Mary Had a Little Lamb" One More Time...

We've all been there.

Again!

Again!

Little known fact - cello players were well within their legal rights to stab small children with their bows. And here it is for us to see. Kind of like an early version of a snuff film.

14. What's on my MIND? Funny. Really Funny.

It took until the Industrial Age to really perfect the art of piercing.

But hey, scars are sexy, right?

15. Whoa - I am SO loaded right now.

Mead, weed - who knows? But Merlin "The Magician" pulls another great party out of his ass, like an eye of newt from a cauldron. That guy seriously rocks.

16. Why Yes! I Do have some Grey Poupon!!

Shhh - it's the generic brand, but if we throw it in the fancy jar, no one will know.

17. The Name's Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix.

Only Jay Jay could rock that hat. If you look closely, you can see "Snaps" von Bloggenschtern. It's one of those cool camera tricks that I invented (because I am such a faboo photographer).

18. Happy Trees

You can not imagine how fast my heart went pitty-pat when I saw that the curator had the good sense to include my favorite White Bro Wit Da Fro, Bob Ross:

19. Sad Trees

This was in Bob's Blue Period.

After PBS cancelled his show.

Artless fascists.

20. The Baron, After My 3rd Absinthe

OK, he's a little wobbly, but if you squint, you get a general idea of what a hunk he is.

21. Elvis Lives - after my 4th Absinthe

So, we had a nice chat. He's sad that Priscilla had all that work done, but happy that Lisa-Marie ditched Bubbles Boy.

He looks a little wobbly too, but at least I saw the thin Elvis.

Or I think I did.

22. The Waiter, after my 6th and Final Absinthe

You go right ahead, put your hands on your hips. Oooh, I'm so-o-o-o-o scared.

Were you aware, sir, that your right ear is shaped like a teeny-tiny door? What's inside? Can I have a peek-a-boo? Whoa - I can SEE what you're thinking. Trippy.

Fine, fine, fine. Wobbly Baron will settle the billet, then me and my hallucinations will hit it.

Au Revoir for now, my fellow art officiandos!! Stay tuned for more marvelous travelogue, coming up soon!