Thursday, September 4, 2008

Lessons from the Louvre - Part II

Well, technically, it's Lessons from both The Louvre and the Musee de L'Orangerie, which is so near and yet so far.

To put things into perspective, after you've schlubbed through The Louvre for about 3 hours, head to the nearest exit and get some fresh air in Les Jardins des Tuileries. Walk through said "park" for seemingly another 2 hours to get to the other museum.

Those French, they love a good optical illusion.

"Really, honey, look here on the map - it's only at the end of this park"

Uh huh. The end of the park. Which is the size of Central Park. If you don't put that map away in the next 10 seconds. Gawd. Quit with the map, already!!

Oh, who's kidding who? It's the size of frickin' Manhattan.

Engaging death stare NOW, Mr. Sulu.

It was worth the walk, as you will see - The Baroness (well, her feet, at least) suffered for your art.

Appreciate it.

Or else.
So, where were we? Ah, yes, in the rooms with the things and the guy at the place.

Let us carry on. And remember, click on the pictures is to be drawn into a magical world where artist becomes one with canvas, blah, blah, blah:

10. I SPECIFICALLY said only 4. Morons!
I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be the one to do the narrowing down. They all look kind of dashing, don't cha think?

Especially Dude in the middle. So special, he doesn't even need a hat.

The other hatless guy? Just stupid. Look at that vacant stare. He's not even looking at the camera.

11. I Bought it on eBay
Historical proof that garage sales have been around since time immortal.

I don't usually buy into the whole time-space continuum thing, but I have to ask myself - how did the artist know what was in my secret hiding place under the stairs? Freaky.

12. See this line here? I call it the "RuPaul/Elton John". Very long!
I personally think the feather is just a little over the top.

Just sayin'.

13. I Swear to God, if He asks for "Mary Had a Little Lamb" One More Time...

We've all been there.



Little known fact - cello players were well within their legal rights to stab small children with their bows. And here it is for us to see. Kind of like an early version of a snuff film.

14. What's on my MIND? Funny. Really Funny.
It took until the Industrial Age to really perfect the art of piercing.

But hey, scars are sexy, right?

15. Whoa - I am SO loaded right now.
Mead, weed - who knows? But Merlin "The Magician" pulls another great party out of his ass, like an eye of newt from a cauldron. That guy seriously rocks.

16. Why Yes! I Do have some Grey Poupon!!
Shhh - it's the generic brand, but if we throw it in the fancy jar, no one will know.

17. The Name's Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix.
Only Jay Jay could rock that hat. If you look closely, you can see "Snaps" von Bloggenschtern. It's one of those cool camera tricks that I invented (because I am such a faboo photographer).

18. Happy Trees
You can not imagine how fast my heart went pitty-pat when I saw that the curator had the good sense to include my favorite White Bro Wit Da Fro, Bob Ross:

19. Sad Trees
This was in Bob's Blue Period.

After PBS cancelled his show.

Artless fascists.

20. The Baron, After My 3rd Absinthe

OK, he's a little wobbly, but if you squint, you get a general idea of what a hunk he is.

21. Elvis Lives - after my 4th Absinthe
So, we had a nice chat. He's sad that Priscilla had all that work done, but happy that Lisa-Marie ditched Bubbles Boy.

He looks a little wobbly too, but at least I saw the thin Elvis.

Or I think I did.

22. The Waiter, after my 6th and Final Absinthe
You go right ahead, put your hands on your hips. Oooh, I'm so-o-o-o-o scared.

Were you aware, sir, that your right ear is shaped like a teeny-tiny door? What's inside? Can I have a peek-a-boo? Whoa - I can SEE what you're thinking. Trippy.

Fine, fine, fine. Wobbly Baron will settle the billet, then me and my hallucinations will hit it.

Au Revoir for now, my fellow art officiandos!! Stay tuned for more marvelous travelogue, coming up soon!


RiverPoet said...

Another wonderful selection. Love the Joaquin Phoenix!

Peace - D

asthmagirl said...

Girlfriend and I laughed at yesterday's episode. I can't wait to show her today's delights!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess D: There was another picture I didn't include that looked just like Johnny Depp. No joke. It must be true, that everyone-has-a-twin things. I just didn't know that it worked in different centuries!

Countess AG: This is truly what I live for. If you laugh, my heart soars.

(If I laugh, there's usually going to be a change of undies involved...damn you, menopause!)

Sandi said...

You HAVE to show us the Johnny Depp picture.

Mental P Mama said...

Priceless. I want to go to a museum with you!

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Sandi: Look for it tomorrow...(I should mention now that he's fully dressed and not in any way, shape, or form draped seductively over a bed. Sorry, hon.)

Countess MPM: Let's make some plans, then. Have your people get in touch with my people.

(I have people because I'm such an amazing, world-famous photographer)


I have no people.

Cormac Brown said...

La Baronne est hilarante!

Oui, mais il Axl Rose a les plus hauts os de joue.

Cormac Brown said...

And damn if that doesn't look like Joaquin.

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Count Cormac: The Joaquin? Very vierd, ja?

It kind of caught me off guard - I was expecting his eyeballs to start following me around, like in an old "Get Smart" episode.

Leah Erridge said...

Holy freaking crap that is Joaquin! Amazinggggg.

And thank you for making art how it should be. Not so god damn serious.

So you're picking up tricks from bubba now? Are you the new snaps?
Actually, in order to do that, you must not know how to work your camera. And take out of focus shots of course.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Holy cow that DOES look like Leaf, ah I mean Joaquin! Amazing catch!!! LOL

Baroness von Bloggenschtern said...

Countess Schmee: Nah, in naming myself "Snaps", I only pay homage to the one and only. Only in my wildest dreams could I assume such greatness.

Countess NATUI: Leaves, Rivers, Sunshines - and a fair share of Phoenixes - all captured under the same roof. Well worth the price of admission...

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